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Why the hell do I hurt so bad?
Why is it I always end up grabbing the shitty end of the stick?!?
*slams fist onto desk*
Damnit all..
This is pissing me off, every time i try to walk away from shanna because i know its the best for her I end up walking back wiht my tail in betwen my legs. I cant do it this time. I don't deserve her, and she deserves somone better than me. I've done FAR to much s**t to be repented now. I do love her... but I refuse to let it get to my head.. I may love her... but I wont let myself come crawling back to her.. if I do ill just hurt her again.
I havent talked to her for a good 2-3 days?
Everything is boring now... dull... everything has become distastful. Cookies have no sugar, spices have no zing... even meat tastes like crap. I havent eaten at all except for the little bit Circe made me eat today..
*slams fist on the desk again*
I can't let this get out of control, my words are going to destroy me. I'd better shut up...
in fact, starting now, I do not speak, i do not think unless its about my work. Today will be the dawn of a new era, I have done so much damage, the world is better off without my voice. I will toil and write in my own solitude.
I had to choose between Rachel and Shanna.. and for the longest time I tried not to "Feel" for them both, because it was a painful sacrifice, now, once agian shanna is in the middle of two choices, Shanna, or Circe. I canot feel for them... I won't. Id rather die than make such a hard choice..
On my walk home from Circes, I was attacked ONCE again by demons. The third night in a row this has happened... they plague my dreams, and my reality, leaving me with no sleep. The most (restful)sleep i got so far in the past two days was the few moments I had fallen asleep from exaustion in Circe's arms she kissed me on the neck waking me up instantly (scared the hell outta me)
Wait a second.. im still typing.. right.. gotta shut up, later everyone.