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This agrivates me.
How is it that love means one? Love means an emotional compromise between two people. I actally began to think about...Yeah, I told her i love her, I did not lie. Honestly, if you had to choose between two wemon and one wouldnt even think of dating you unless you met her standards, would you? How am i soposed to live like that? I've thought for so long that if i went up there and met her id finally be with her. One day Circe told me that not all things are what they seem. She usually never gives me advice and im always the one she leans on. It got me thinking. Why am I bending backwards? Yeah, she refuses to bend, and im the one that breaks my back over this. Im taking the most mental damage. All she has to do is sit and encourage me to come up that way she can have me. By all means she would have had me MONTHS ago and i wouldnt even be thinking of Circe right now if she would have just made that small sacrifice like i have so many times. I quit chasing Rachel, for her. I quit smoking I quit drinking i quit cutting/ self mutilations. What has she done other than talk to me every once annd a while?
"love means one person."
"If thats what love means to you than your conceeded."
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Unquote.
I don't really care anymore, I tried to be calm about it and i tried to tell her, yeah i was growing feelings for circe but did i ever say i was going to act on them? no. Before she freaked on me i was going to tell her that i TOTALY devoted to her. She was confused as to why i stayed single for Circe. One somple reason, becuase she draws an energy from me that lifts her up. I guess now that i've played shanna again and left her in the dust, is prolly what shes thinking, Ill go off and break Circe's heart.
I desided this morning, im moving on and never looking back. If Circe is in my future, which im pretty sure she is, than thats where im going. I havent felt good about myself toward a relationship for a while now, i felt like s**t because i wanted to be wiht shanna but she refused to date me unless i moved up. Now, when im with Circe she listens takes my advice, even tells me to tell her what the right paths are. She doesnt know if she really likes me yet...but i know its there. Whenever she's sad.. she twists the ring i gave to her, and she looks up and smiles at me even though she was thinking of the pain that Keri had brought her.
I guess now I am devoted, I spent the past few days helping her out, and once i can get her to move on away from the pin keri will constantly bring her, than, just than maybe ill have a shot. Its a shot worth taking a few bullets and bitten thumbs for.