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Something I just need to write about. She's been on my mind since summer school.

[[The summary]]
I suppose I should start with when we first met. I was waiting with John for a ride home, and she just happened to be there. I had my cards out and we started playing a few games of Thirteen. Of course, at that time, I had about two friends, so meeting anyone new was fine with me. That's about all we knew each other for. Playing cards.

So begins summer school. Rhetorical writing and Chemistry. After school ended, with no friends to talk to, I would just wait out in front with Alina, just to have someone keep me company until I had to walk the three miles or so home. Leeann just happened to be there, and we quickly became friends. Over the course of the five weeks of summer school, mindless conversations and all, we became extremely close friends.

School starts and we find out that we have two classes together. Even so, I see her every morning, walk her over to her first period class, walk with her to lunch, and pretty much just hang out for the next 40 minutes or so. Almost every day up until today. During this time, we got even closer, and I learned more about her. To this day, I give her a hug everyday, and it's rare that we don't talk to each other, or seen without each other for that matter.

[[The girl]]
So I figure I'd learn about her, but I had no idea about what I was in store for. At first, I had a pretty good idea that she was out there, but that was about it. She surprised me though, she had much more depth than I had originally given her credit for. Several different degrees of shallowness and deepness.

[[The problem]]
Even if I've only known her for so little, I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with her, but...

I went out with someone for a while, and when she found out about it, she got downright pissed off. Not because of some jealousy thing, but because it was a stupid idea. Over the next few days, we didn't talk to each other at all, not even look at each other. I felt torn up during this time, even going to the point of isolating myself from all of my friends. I was just crying like the sad, little emo kid I am. When I did get a chance to talk to her again, I only put myself in a worse position than before. I decided then that I didn't want to bother her anymore. Somehow, things worked themselves out and we just forgot about the whole thing.

Her past relationships weren't so great, and I don't want to be another person for her to tell about someone in the future. She has went out with two of my best friends from elementary school when they were in about 7th grade or so. Alex Lheemuis, and Long John Nguyen. Lolz. The only reason why she and Alex went out in the first place was because he had asked her out in front of a class. Can't quite top that. When she went out with John, John was waiting on her hand and foot. Opening doors for her, changing his personality, the works. Leeann didn't like this and broke up with him. This wouldn't be too bad, except this is what I would do for her. Oh well, nice to know these things. Her other boyfriend was some dude two years older than her. He was a douchebag. Wouldn't like to go into too much detail with it, but yeah. Douchebaggery.

I heard her say something interesting one day. Something about relationships, as a matter of fact. She said that she'd only be interested in a new relationship for the first two weeks or so. Afterward, she'd treat it like it was just some kind of hassle.

I don't want to ruin our friendship. I feel that we have this strong connection with each other, and I know after the inevitable break up, we're not going to be the same. Ever again.

[[The answer?]]
I have no idea what I should do now. Although I do care about her, I cherish our friendship. Everytime I think about this, my heart goes into this cutting to get attention feeling. Whether I will regret for not asking her or regret for ruining our friendship...

I've never felt like this about a girl before. The only other time where I've even remotely felt like this was four years ago, and she can't be compared to Leeann, but that's a different journal entry. I wonder if she'll ever forgive me for going out with Michelle, return the feelings that I have for her, or if all we're going to be are just friends [Bad movie, by the way]. Only time will tell.

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