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This pain inside crawls up inside my brain making worry about things i wished i wouldn't worry about. But they just keep coming back everytime i get close to someone why has my fear of gettign hurt so much caused me to feel like this. It sleeps in my heart wanting to spill and make me go over the edge. I do not want that to happen. but wheni get close it crawls into my heart and makes me feel afraid and didstance to that person. i learn to ignore it but the pain i live with everyday kills me inside everyday. i'm happiest with you but when your not around im falling apart more and more. Like i said before it kills me inside. i need to overcome this pain but i can't it's never cest to dissappear. i cry inside hiding my true feelings staying strong so poeple won't worry about me but it over comes me and thats when i have break downs. i dunno maybe the stress i get or maybe thats just how i am but i know it m ust overcome it. I admitt i am happy at times but most of the time i feel like i don't belong. i feel like im no good and feel liek more and more when this feeling comes and hits me. then i get hit with reality and i cry my insides to sleep. im not cut out for this. i will never hurt my self even though i have in my past. but i will do alls i can not to hurt my self in anyway. but whenevr im around someone and i start to get close i feel like they don't like me they're jsut being friends with me out of pity. then if you wanna do that i rather you jsut not talk to me and hurt me now then hurt me later.i can't take this pain. I go insane beleiving that one someone and never knowing the truth. again i feel like a bird in a cage and never knowing my true self ever. but hey its just me im ******** up in the head as im told froim some poeple in school. i don't understand why im so un liked or hated i don't. i try to do everything right at lest i try. but i dunno if any one sees it not even my mother. but im not getting into that. nothing bad i swear. jsut one of thoughs parents that can't admit her daughters not perfect i guess i really don't care. this pains hurts in my heart so much. alli want is to be liked but i guess some poeple don't see that. i dunno but well im done. this was actually s'posre to be a poem but i guess it turned out to be an entry instead.