Behind these glasses of glee, there's tears of misery. Well, that's much too dramatic. But what I'm saying is, around my friends I'll be happy-go-lucky Courtney when really there's so many things building up burning_eyes I don't want to get all dramatic on them, and that's why I'm that way. One thing I can't stand. People being melodramatics. EVERYwhere I turn, there's someone, whining about their life, how they're 'depressed'. You know what? No. They aren't depressed. Depressed is a very VERY strong world, and just because you're upset over something small, doesn't mean you're all of a sudden depressed. Well, I may be wrong, but in most cases people over-exagerate these feelings.
Along with the emo story. Ok you know what? STOP calling eachother emo. If you wear black, if you like emo music, that doesn't make you 'a lost depressed soul' and cut your wrists blabla and BLA. Emo is just a style. The style, it came from emo music. Sure, some of it is good. Doesn't mean I'm going to go to the bathroom, grab a razor blade and start slicing my wrists saying I hate life.
-----
Back to what I was SUPPOSE to be saying. I feel like a volcano right now. I'm a curious person, I know, and I love hearing what's going on, and a good quality is I'm a very trustful person. Sometimes it comes too much. So many people right now, they're talking to me about all their problems and I sit there and listen, giving advice. Well whom am I suppose to talk to? I see no one there for me? I do I know, have good friends. But I can't just talk to someone about things that are bothering me. Everytime I turn around, something new comes up. I'm trying to forget about it all, because I think it's no big deal. But all those little 'no big deals' are turning into one huge deal to me, because I'm not expressing them. I'd type them out, but there's too many little deals and things I don't want people to see. Not like anyone reads journals anyways.
One of my best friends... I don't think she knows how much I care about her. It hurts sometimes, because I know I'm not as special to her as she is to me. Ever been in that position? I hang out with her too much, and it hurts. I like spending time with her, but I dont want to. I want to stop. I know this will all backfire on my face. She'll leave.
Speaking of this, I also feel like I ruined a friendship between her and someone else... It's like, I come, and wham. They dont hang out as much anymore, and it's most likely caused by me. The more I think about all of it, the more it seems like my fault... But it's not, I know it's not just me, I know it's not. I have to stop thinking everything is all my fault.
Besides this girl I'm talking about, there's one person I can almost completely trust. Or at least talk about these things with. He's so special, I don't think he even knows... Whenever I feel I'm about to break down, he's always there to bring me back up. It's amazing how friends have such a big impact on your life. Every friend has a purpose, and I don't know what I'd do without any of them.
But there's one person who I know will always be here for me, no matter what. His name is Jesus. And it's horrible, I feel I've walked away from him. But deep down I know I never will. I'm posting this right now, I feel it's right.
There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper
Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)
For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head
-- Lyrics by Starfield.
This is the end of my patheticlly long journal post. Not that anyone cares, no one reads them.
Along with the emo story. Ok you know what? STOP calling eachother emo. If you wear black, if you like emo music, that doesn't make you 'a lost depressed soul' and cut your wrists blabla and BLA. Emo is just a style. The style, it came from emo music. Sure, some of it is good. Doesn't mean I'm going to go to the bathroom, grab a razor blade and start slicing my wrists saying I hate life.
-----
Back to what I was SUPPOSE to be saying. I feel like a volcano right now. I'm a curious person, I know, and I love hearing what's going on, and a good quality is I'm a very trustful person. Sometimes it comes too much. So many people right now, they're talking to me about all their problems and I sit there and listen, giving advice. Well whom am I suppose to talk to? I see no one there for me? I do I know, have good friends. But I can't just talk to someone about things that are bothering me. Everytime I turn around, something new comes up. I'm trying to forget about it all, because I think it's no big deal. But all those little 'no big deals' are turning into one huge deal to me, because I'm not expressing them. I'd type them out, but there's too many little deals and things I don't want people to see. Not like anyone reads journals anyways.
One of my best friends... I don't think she knows how much I care about her. It hurts sometimes, because I know I'm not as special to her as she is to me. Ever been in that position? I hang out with her too much, and it hurts. I like spending time with her, but I dont want to. I want to stop. I know this will all backfire on my face. She'll leave.
Speaking of this, I also feel like I ruined a friendship between her and someone else... It's like, I come, and wham. They dont hang out as much anymore, and it's most likely caused by me. The more I think about all of it, the more it seems like my fault... But it's not, I know it's not just me, I know it's not. I have to stop thinking everything is all my fault.
Besides this girl I'm talking about, there's one person I can almost completely trust. Or at least talk about these things with. He's so special, I don't think he even knows... Whenever I feel I'm about to break down, he's always there to bring me back up. It's amazing how friends have such a big impact on your life. Every friend has a purpose, and I don't know what I'd do without any of them.
But there's one person who I know will always be here for me, no matter what. His name is Jesus. And it's horrible, I feel I've walked away from him. But deep down I know I never will. I'm posting this right now, I feel it's right.
There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper
Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)
For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head
-- Lyrics by Starfield.
This is the end of my patheticlly long journal post. Not that anyone cares, no one reads them.
