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Okay, time for another mini rant. Because I'm not happy today. We might have to cancel the fall play. crying

And I'm lonely. I don't know why. I have a bunch of friends who love me, I know that, but it's not . . . I dunno, what I think I need. domokun I AM SO ******** SICK OF SOCIETY!! Seriously. I'm not a size 8, therefore I'm not pretty. I'm not blonde and tan and 5'2", I wear glasses, I like Star Trek and Star Wars and Harry Potter, and I'm not worthy of anyone's time or commiseration. I'm not worth anyone taking the time to get to know me because I'm not pretty, I'm not normal, I'm not worth it. (Not my words, repeat, NOT. This is what I'm getting from society). So I've been trying ever so hard to ignore these messages and do my own thing, to pretend that I don't care, but I can only hear it so many times before I start believing it. It's like on TV, when they made fun of Tracey Gold on Growing Pains calling her fat all the time, even though she wasn't. There's only so much you can do to convince yourself before you start believing what people are saying. And then it's time for anorexia.

Not that I'm anorexic or bullimic or anything. I refuse to do that. I won't let myself be swayed by society in that regard. I keep telling myself that REAL women have curves, and cellulite and love handles because we're meant to have children. There's a whole industry out there telling us that we're not perfect, to buy this or buy that because they have the secret to youth eternal. WE HAVE ENOUGH ******** YOUTH!!! (what we really need is a fountain of smart).

And then there's other stuff that's swimming around in my mind too, but I'm not posting it here because I can't get it out. And even if I try to, it won't make sense. And it'll make me sound whiny and circular. Because if you really read my rants, they're all about the same things: boys, body-image, writing and religion.

eek GOD!! I am so boring!