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Whenever I come across a quote I like, I shall throw it in here.

"You better shut that dog up before I drop-kick it!"

"Now, if life was all boring and stuff, it wouldn't be fun, would it?"

T: I am so tired of seeing Lindsay Lohan's cleavage.
G: Okay...that makes one of us.

"Dude, um, that's my food."
"And it's DELICIOUS!"

"Oh! These pickles! My FEET!"

"If he dies, can I still have his stuff?"

"This is gonna be great! Just me and my son. And all those other kids!"

(While playing Scrabble)
“FTA? What the crap is FTA?”
“It’s FAT, which is what your lip will be if you don’t shut up.”

"Stupid questions get sarcastic answers."

"Did you know a baby's brain starts developing at three weeks?"
"Oh really?...So what happened to yours?"

"We're going to have a talk. A very violent and bloody talk."

My theory:
Take any advice your parents give you. That way, if anything goes wrong, you can blame them.