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NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from many, it's research."
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
God made Man before Woman because you always make the rough draft before the final masterpiece.
I'm not anti social, society is anti me
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Find a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll have a penny.
keep watching....maybe i'll do a trick
Never Knock On Heavens Door,

...ring the bell then run (he hates that)
I'll be nicer if you give me chocolate.
You have the perfect face for the radio.
One by One the Pixies stole my Sanity
im as sharp as a marble
I AM NOT SELFISH .....I JUST WANT EVERYTHING!!
A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Last night I was looking at the stars and I wondered... where the hell's my ceiling!
These are phobias that actually exist. I am not making them up. But they are pretty weird, and kinda funny.

• Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
• Albuminurophobia- Fear of kidney disease.
• Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
• Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
• Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
• Amathophobia- Fear of dust.
• Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
• Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
• Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
• Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
• Bibliophobia- Fear of books
• Bogyphobia- Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman
• Chaetophobia- Fear of hair
• Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors
• Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
• Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
• Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
• Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
• Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
• Geliophobia- Fear of laughter.
• Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
• Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
• Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure.
• Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
• Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
• Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
• Linonophobia- Fear of string.
• Nephophobia- Fear of clouds.
• Nomatophobia- Fear of names.
• Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
• Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
• Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope.
• Pediophobia- Fear of dolls.
• *****- Fear of children.
• Philosophobia- Fear of philosophy.
• Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
• Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.
• Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
• Pupaphobia - Fear of puppets.
• Sophophobia- Fear of learning.
• Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives.
Dont talk to me when I'm talking to myself
My mind is like god. It works in mysterious ways, no one really understands it, and people debate over whether or not it exists
B.I.T.C.H - Beautiful Invidual That Creates Hell

Signs That You are Too Drunk

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Your job is interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

You fall off the floor..

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..'

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men].

Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

Roseanne looks good.

Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

I'm as sober as a judge.

The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

You wake up screaming 'TORO TORO TORO!' in the middle of the night.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.
Good stuff to do at meetings in office:

1. stand up in the middle and say," i am insert name, and i am an alcoholic.

2. steal the bosses chair and say, " now I AM IN CHARGE! MWAHAHAHA"

3. tap people next to you and duck when they turn

4. say you dropped your pen and then go under the table an say," OH MY GOD! A BODY!"

5. ask to make a suggestion, then stand and fart.

6. bark at people who pass by the boardroom

7. ask why the water cooler is on fire.

8. take out your lunch and start eating, then when the boss says your name, offer to share your sandwich

9. dress up in knights armor, then say," i thought it was casual friday."

10. bring gi joes and reinact world war 2 after the meeting starts.
How to be annoying

1)Reply to everything someone says with "thats what you think"
2)Make beeping noises when a large person backs up
3)Sing along at the opera
4)finish all your sentences with "accordance to prophesy"
5)Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more.
6)Never make eye contact
7)Meow occasionally
cool Walk around with a cooler that say "human head" on the side
9)In a lift, draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passeners that this is your "personal space."
10)Announce in a crowded place, in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
11)Staple papers in the middle of the page.
12)Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
13)Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
14)Steal a large quantity of traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
15)Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
16)Ask people what gender they are.
*They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.*
procrastinators of the world unite!!!..... tomorrow