|
i had a breakdown last night... a small one but it was enough to tell me when i finally have my big one that i wont be around to have another one... how do i know this?? its simple last night i wanted to kill myself... and in a way i still do.. i no longer want to live in not only physical but mental pain as well all day everyday... i hate my life and i know people have it worse but everyone has their limits and i have found mine... i no longer want to black things out i no longer want to be hated and unloved by my blood father... i no longer want to be treated like crap by others... everything i do seems to be wrong now and i hate having this feeling... i hate living... i hate not being able to be as active as i was... i wanna play sports and i wanna do everything i use to.. people say oh katie you can do that as soon as you finish stretching... you guys dont get it i need it now or ill die... i cant stand it.. i have nothing to relieve this stress... i have talked to numerous people.. nothing is helping me what so ever... my grades are totaly gone and yah thats my fault but its hard to consitrate when you have so much stress on you. I no longer want to hide who i truely am to people but in the end i end up doing that anyways... life sucks and if i could remember what was bugging me this year and last year i would have more things to put down.... i hate life and i hate myself... the only reason i dont have cuts anywhere on my body is because i promised i wouldnt put cuts there... oh and i have something to say for all those assholes who have told me not to do this and not to do that and then say i can hit them but when i do they get pissed ******** YOU!!! you guys suck a** and you arent helping me stay here one bit... the only people keeping me here are my merf and a few of my friends... other then that i dont see a lot people caring if i died....
*Sheelie im srry but yes at the moment i am suicidal
 Ishira Tsubasa · Fri Jan 14, 2005 @ 03:16pm · 4 Comments |
