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Yes again...

You know those times were you feel so safe in your own little body. That finally youve put up some good defenses and maybe for some time you may be able to rest your mind for even a week without having to deal with the drama of the world. Yah that drama everyone claims youve put yourself in?

Lets just say i felt safe. Very safe considering the bad luck ive run into over and over, there was a period of time where i was able to settle down and ignore the things bugging me. That started and ended within... two days. But i felt great. I had finally convinced myself that i could protect and stand on my own, like everyone else had said. I wasnt fearful like i had been for so long. I had my confidence back..

But life sends you curve balls, that hit you straight in your weak spot right after your sure youve hidden it. Mine was hit, and now i feel like crap. I cried, so much that it scared me and i forced myself to stop. And now i cant, i dont feel anything really but a hate. I wanted to be secure and though people have said that i am strong, i feel weak. So weak... Im not able to protect myself or even protect the people i care about from myself. Im not saying i go and purposely hurt some one. Im saying there are times im just stupid, i say the wrong thing and make some one feel like they are useless. This entire time ive watched as my friends talked about how they felt bad, and how they felt useless that they couldnt help me. I tried to comfort them, and tell them they were, but im sure they see that my pain has gotten worse. I dont know what to do. What do i say to make this better and make those around me happier. I feel like a burden, a huge one.... I feel that ive only caused those people pain after pain... What do i do? Everything ive said hasnt helped....

People tell me to take care of myself first, but i cant do that. I cant sit there and watch as people are hurt because on my own problems. Ive tried many things to stop it, but none have worked. i wanna to stop talking and telling them things, or just tell them im alright and that nothings happened. But they know me... PLus people involved speak freely at times... I cant watch as some ones hurt... So what do i do...

I feel lost and insecure, but at the same time i dont feel a thing. I want to give you good news, but then i would be lying...