I sent a PM to Vuku apologizing for shunning him when he first PMed me and I tried to explain why I had troubles with trusting people who come out of nowhere. All he replied back with was "Great another person who doesn't want to talk to me" when what I told him had NOTHING to ******** do with that.
Then earlier tonight I was in a chatroom called #eika where I was being stupid with Mana-chan and we RPed as Ville Margera and Bam Vola. After which, 5 minutes later, she seemed to get pissed and then based me off of what others did as if she was the only person who ever had a friend completely abandon them.
Right now I'm sneaking online because, well, I'm home alone and have nothing better to do with my pathetic excuse for a "life".
Everything is turning into a b***h around me; people are thinking I'm a whore, friends are basing me off their "history", and people are starting to expect more of me for some reason.
I don't understand why the ******** anyone has standards built for me-especially my mom. She sets all these standards for me but I don't live up to any of them. And when I try to be myself or show her something that I love, she just looks at me weird and goes back to doing what she was doing.
Today I showed her some artwork by one of my favorite artists, Gensho Sugiyama, but all she did was look at it weird. And anytime I, or someone else, mentions something about my being bisexual, she just scoffs and tries to change the topic. My grades are nowhere where she wants them even though they're mainly Bs and Cs - except in Algebra where, just like at home, no matter how hard I try I just don't understand and end up failing. I failed Algebra II completely because I double Fd.
And the driver's ed teacher is just content on pissing me off by degrading Caitlin and myself. I ******** give up in that damned class. Because no matter how hard I ******** try in that or Algebra all I seem to do is fail and piss my mom off even more. I'm glad that the end of the first semester finally came because now I can actually move on to classes that I actually understand.
Brand New
The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
I hope you find out what you want.
I already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.
I'll grow old and start acting my age.
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold.
A heart that's harder than stone.
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.
Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state.
You can keep to yourself.
I'll keep out of your way.
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.
So call it quits or get a grip.
Say you wanted a solution.
You just wanted to be missed.
Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget...
You are calm and reposed.
Let your beauty unfold.
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close.
You are second hand smoke.
You are so fragile and thin.
Standing trial for your sins.
Holding onto yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins.
Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
I hope you find out what you want.
I already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.
I'll grow old and start acting my age.
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold.
A heart that's harder than stone.
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.
Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state.
You can keep to yourself.
I'll keep out of your way.
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.
So call it quits or get a grip.
Say you wanted a solution.
You just wanted to be missed.
Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget...
You are calm and reposed.
Let your beauty unfold.
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close.
You are second hand smoke.
You are so fragile and thin.
Standing trial for your sins.
Holding onto yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins.
Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
