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.... What Should I call this. Oh I know. Chloe's Journal.

I like to write stories. :3 They are so hard to make. XD I make poems. And I adore I mean I LOVE MATILDA THE MOVIE! In capitals! Thats how much I like that movie. I can watch it 6 times in a row with out getting board. I have Dark chocolate brown co

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Poem. The skys are grey. My tears are white. I never seen my tears so white. My hope is low. Lower than the ground. I know now. That there was nothing to be found. I lay on the ground. Crying and sobbing. For now I know. Life means nothing. ___________________________________________________------ I listened. What did you say. I listened. And what did you say. You said you didnt. You dont love me. My heart hurt. Baby. I loved you more. But you left my side. Now I lay here petrified _________________________________________________ What is my name. Im unknown. Am I alive. Thats still unknown. Why do you say hi? Thats strange... Why talk to a stranger?

Posted by: Official Athendora Sat Sep 30, 2006 @ 05:10pm

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T h e P h y c o W o l f
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Commented on: Sun Feb 18, 2007 @ 04:38pm


	really good

Commented on: Tue Dec 18, 2007 @ 05:26pm


	Seriously, take a few classes in writing. Your iambic parameter could use some work, but its not that bad. What needs the most work, though, is your choice of words. You have such a limited vocabulary in these poems, that they seem dry and bland. Next time you write a poem, do a rouch outline first, then go through a thesaurus and see if you can find any words that may add more life to the poetry and help it stand out more. Especially if you're style is going to stay dark. Dark poems with dry vocabulary just sound like pathetic whining, but when you spice it up a bit, it gives it that flair of real drama, real life, real emotion. It feels more real than when just writing the first words that come to your mind. Because when you just write out the very first thing that comes to your mind, and you leave it that way, you put no work or effort into truly making the poem unique, and that makes for horrible writers. I'm sorry if this post sounds kinda harsh, but I'm not going to sugar coat anything when I know someone has potential to be better. But keep writing, keep learning, keep practicing, and you'll keep improving. Just remember to make your poetry stand out, something that will keep the reader's attention til the very end, and make them want to reread it.

x-Cyanide Breathmint-x
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