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now i have to update my journal at school because i " abuse my online privelges" THIS IS WHY I TELL MY MOM GET DSL OR SOMETHING THEN!!! HER RESPONSE IS I dont want anybody going through the house ><; I TOLD HER THAT YOU CAN JUST AS EASILY GET THE HOOK UP TO GO THROUGH THE PHONE LINE AND NOBODY HAS TO GO THROUGH YOUR HOUSE BUT SHE NEVER LISTENS TO ME!!! Then she goes and makes it so we cant access the internet... at home and arrgh!! bad enough the girl i love i cant even date. I really want to tell her something to make her feel better about the whole fact she has to get blood drawn.. i know how she feels abouyt it and the thought scares her alone.. i can feel the fear... and i hatre needles just as much and it scares me just to get a shot. I couldnt even stand the beginning part of matrix with all those needles ><;. I got to see meet the faukers with her though ^-^ i had a majorly kickass time that was the greatest time i have ever had in a loooooong time.. I know other reasons why i cant date her and i know the reason she told me which was she is afraid if we break up we wont be as close friends anymore... i see it as a big if.. but i understand where she is coming from even if i hate to admit it.
I dont see why her bf is so jealous of me hanging out with her, i mean its not like im going to steal her or anything i more or less am waiting for something i dont even know.. kinda weird but all my life i knew something like this would happen this year, i dont know where or why.... but yeah. I finnally met the ghost in my bathroom.. he sorta went into my dream and was being mean and s**t so i told him to go away and get the hell out of my house.. i dont know if it worked though... - -; i wish i would quit losing sleep over tyhe whole mandy situation but every time i try to do something i just think about how cute and cool she is and how nice and everything.. almost too perfect of a friend.. which kinda scares me a little... Yesterday i was walking home.. and i saw some dad and his kids get back from golfing or something and i dont know it just made me think about what kinda dad i would want to be and how much i kinda missed out not having a fatherly figure and i wonder how my life could have been different had i had a father figure, but then again i wouldnt be myself, so it would be waay different.
I really want to go with mandy to the prom dealy or whatever, but i dont want to push her into going with me and im seriously starting to get annoyyed with how kerry is trying this whole " noble act" to get her to go with him.. he has enough " soullmates" as is.. why cant he just back off and keep off mandy like i have to since she has a bf. Sometimes i really want to scream and yell at him for how stupid he is being and sometimes i seriously want to kick him in the head... I tried to pick up my clarinet yesterday and practice a little but i could barely play a note because i kept thinking about mandy again ><; ARRRGHHH damnnit all.... god i wish i could thikn of everything i had been thinking about putting yesterday but i cant remember... oh well.. i have to go now... byebye
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