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It's really over. I didn't want to believe. I just kept telling myself that it wasn't real, and if it was then he'll take me back, this isn't forever, it can't be forever. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or feel or think right now. Am I supposed to be sad, angry? Do I break down and cry into the nearest arms or simply cry alone into my pillows? What do I say to him? Can I still tell him that I love him? I don't know how to talk about it without crying. I don't want to cry, because he said I was strong. So that means I have to be strong for both of us and try not to cry, right? I thought this would last forever and that everything was okay because I had him, so everything else would just work itself out. So what do I do know? I want him to be happy, but I want him to be with me, just me. I don't want to date anyone else, but I don't want him to feel bad or horrible or guilty or anything. I can't hate him, I can't even be angry with him, all I can do is want him back and feel miserable. I once told someone that emotions are beautiful no matter what they are, because they remind us we are alive. Now for the first time in my life I find myself wishing I could feel nothing, wishing I couldn't cry anymore, wishing I could forget, wishing everything would just stop or dissappear. Everytime I think about something, watch a show, draw, write, go on the internet, play a game, talk, anything all I do is think about him. The only escape I seem to have is from reading my books, but even their world can't seem to hold me long. He told me not to think it was my fault or that there is anything wrong with me, but there must be. I couldn't make him happy, I didn't show him that I loved him enough, I must have done something so horrible wrong. My skin itches with the need to be held by him. I always went to him for comfort and advice, but now who do I go to when it's about him? I'm almost afraid to talk to my friends because I don't want them to think badly of him. He really is so wonderful, amazing, sweet, funny, everything. I love him so much. Even now knowing that he doesn't want me anymore, I still love him and only want to be with him.