Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Alrighty, well for some reason last night I just suddenly felt like I was ready to move on with my life and perhaps find a girlfriend again if that's what fate has in store for me. I am happy being single, but there is a spot in me I wish to fill, but I no longer think that it's just a fear of being alone, or a need to be with someone that pushes that feeling on me anymore. I think I am honestly ready to fall in love again if I find the right person. I mean I do miss holding someone, or cuddling, or sleeping next to someone, but it's not like a deep longing inside me anymore, I just want to be happy with someone again, and I'm willing to wait for the right person this time. I've been doing a lot of packing and thinking lately, and I decided to give Roni all my Magic cards, that'll be explained in the letter I wrote her, I just want my life to go on again and I feel like it finally is. I'm moving in with a buddy of mine and getting a new job, basically I just want to let go of my past forget about parts of it and go on with living life. There was a lot more I was going to put down here, but I can't remember it now razz I've been to busy caught up with chatting with people, one I haven't talked to in a long time, so yeah I'll just put the letter down, put down a few more thoughts then call it a day.

Hey, Roni
I saw on your Myspace account that you said I stole your magic cards. I'm sorry I can't remember which ones were yours. So I've decided to give you all my cards, minus some that I'm giving to Basil and Kyle. I'm doing this for several reasons; One I don't really play Magic anymore, been playing pen and paper again; Two I hate the new cards it's getting silly overpowered; And three Magic makes me think of both you and Jaxon. So yeah, do whatever you want with them. Give them away, burn them, sell them, or use them ti's up to you.

It's kind of funny that this is the first and last letter I'm writing you. I would really appreciate it if you would block and delete me on MSN, and delete me off of your email contacts. You've gotten the new life you wanted and everything else. You've had sex with someone else, and you might be having the family you've always wanted soon. Yes my life isn't as happy without you, I'm a lot more lonely, I don't feel as content or that things are right, but that all will change oneday. I know that my life is better without you in it. All the mind games have stopped, you said that you both regretted it, and that you still loved me, but actions speak louder than words, and are far more truthful. I just want to be in love with someone that loves me back. We always have a choices and we have to accept the consequences and take responsibility for our actions. You and I both have to do that, and maybe oneday we can be friends but I highly doubt it.

The man you loved and who loved you is dead, the woman he loved is dead, the man who was like his brother is dead. All that is left is three strangers, and I think it should remain that way. If we ever see each other or I see Jaxon, or the kids, or Chris I'm going to pretend I don't know you in a civil manner, and I hope you all will do the same for me. Take care of yourself Roni, and enjoy life to the fullest. Things were fun while they lasted, but now I think it's best if everyone involved forgets all the memories of each other or even the fact the other exists.
-Jamie Yoshida

Please if you ever cared about me forget about me, the same goes for Jaxon and Chris if my friendship ever meant anything to them. The only thing I want is for everyone to forget.

Well that's the letter I wrote her, I hope that she reads it and does delete me, I don't think that I can have her in my life anymore. There'll always be a nagging doubt in my brain, and I'd always be afraid that she'll try to get me back if she's ever single again, and right now I think I might be weak enough to take her back, it's like a 50/50 chance, but that'll likely change in time. I'm still not sure that even if that changes if I could take her back, yes all the stuff she put me through I had the choice to stop it, I could have ended it at any time, so it is my fault that I went through so much with her, but I think the cycle has to be broken now, a part of me will always love her, I just want to try and put her out of my conscious thoughts and memories. Well that's it for today, have a good one everybody

-Jamie