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Can't really tell anyone what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling. Not because I choose not to just that, I really don't have a solid understanding of what I'm thinking or feeling. Confused about a whole mess of things. Courtney, school, everything I have to do in between to balance it all, my near future. Then there're the less important things, mostly my artwork, writing and, to a lesser extent, friends. Hopefully that doesn't offend anyone too much. Not that I should be thinking about those things with everything else going on, but I try to think about them constantly so I don't go setting myself into some sort of anxiety attack. My artwork and writing, I mean. Its just something for me to think about that's so far away from reality. Helps keep me calm, so to speak. Another blow to the few friends I have, I apologize. Been having a bit of trouble though, 'specially since I'm pretty much awake for near 20 hours a day.

Normally, I wouldn't even be talking, or rather typing, about all of this. At least I'd like to think I don't, I can't quite remember every one of my entries. If I did, it kinda takes away the introvert part of me. Its usually better to talk things out anyway, or so I've heard. Usually.

I'm actually not so nervous about school anymore. Not quite sure if I ever really was. Just change in general. Its definitely quite drastic when I think about it. Harder to understand without really knowing how my life's been the past few years. I guess I could try explaining it but I'm choosing not to. Just something that'll solely rely on the reader to take my word on, if there are any readers anyway. I know how frightening sentences and paragraphs can be to many people.

Anyway, as important as I acknowledge my continuing education to be...it really isn't. Its a sort of stepping stone to what I really want, to what's really important to me. These past few weeks though, as to what's really important to me, its starting to lose a bit of focus. For its importance to completely dwindle away, I can't imagine where it'll leave me. Definitely taking me for quite a spin.

What's there to do when what you've been working towards is suddenly being taken away? Fight for it? Let it slip away? Hmm, probably not as simple as it would seem. I guess that answer would be different for each of us. Depending on the individual's personal conviction.

Rambling. I apologize, not much of what I'm saying is probably making any sense. Should probably end this here.