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October 1, 2004
I feel like everyday things just get worse. The more I try to make them better, the worse it gets. Now my boyfriend writes bad things about me in his journal. He didn't put my name at least, but I knew he was talking about me, and he knew I knew, and he knew I would read it. He gets offline when I'm feeling the worst, he gets mad at me no matter what I say. If I say one wrong thing he just explodes at me and either yells at me or gets off or both. I don't know why he keeps doing these things when I'm trying so hard with everything for him. He was never like this before. It's just all of a sudden this year. I think it's safe to say that this has been the worst year of my life. And at the beginning of this year I thought it would be great. This was the year I graduated high school, and the year I turned eighteen. I also thought it would be the year I got a car, but now I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever get a car in my lifetime. I can't go anywhere or do anything and it's driving me crazy. So I sit here and talk to Kaz, my boyfriend, everyday, while he tells me to shut up. He was the sweetest guy I've ever known. I don't think I'll ever find anyone like him again. Which is why I have to make our relationship work. I don't want anyone else. I keep trying to fix things but he just ignores it all. I really think Gaia did us in. As much as I love this site. I wish he'd never known about it. He got all obsessed with making an RP on here, and when the guilds came out, it got worse. It's all he cares about now. I know I did some things to screw things up too, but it just seems like ever since April, when we joined, everything has gone downhill.I have been with this guy for four years, this would be the fifth. I can't imagin being with anyone else. I have never been in a relationship this long, and I've never truely loved anyone I was with except him. I think he is the one I was meant to be with, for this to last this long, and it being an online thing and all. I think it would work out if he'd just let it. All the other times we've had arguments, we fixed things, and everything always turned out fine. If he'd just see it. I think if he'd let me try this one more time, I could do things right and there wouldn't be anymore fights, and we'd both be happy.
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