|
The Compass
Gabriel Jarboe here with "The Compass", a variety of my original works including articles, short stories, poetry, plays, philosophy, and whatever else I think might tickle your fancy. Enjoy, but pleas don't use any of it without my permission.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
An original play, by yours truly. Please enjoy.
The Man in a Hat Who Killed the Other Man in a Hat
Written by Gabe Jarboe
Starring Gabe Jarboe & Tyler Butcher
Mr. Brown: (simple ad-lib intro ending in) “The Man in a Hat Who Killed the Other Man in a Hat”.
Tyler: (wearing a hat) What?!
Gabe: (also wearing a hat) Did he just say what I think he said?
Tyler: If you think he said “The Man in a Hat Who Killed the Other Man in a Hat”, then yes.
Gabe: Oh, never mind then. (pauses) Wait a minute, if we’re both… (points to hat)
Tyler: (nods apprehensively)
Gabe: In a play titled…
Tyler: (nods in the same manner)
Gabe: Then one of us…
Both: (clap their hands over their mouths, take off hats and hold them over their hearts, cross themselves, and replace their hats)
Gabe: I feel so helpless.
Tyler: But wait, just because we’re characters in a play, do we have to follow the script?
Gabe: I don’t know. There are some stage directions coming up. Let’s try not to follow those.
Both: (Stand still, feet together, straining not to follow these stage directions, then both crack. Gabe hops in circles hooting while Tyler rubs his tummy while reciting the alphabet. Both finish)
Tyler: (distraught) It’s no use!
Gabe: It seems we are bound to whatever fate the script holds.
Tyler: (on his knees) What kind of play is this?!?
Gabe: I think it’s a mystery.
Tyler: (acrid) Oh, right! There are two characters in the whole play, and one kills the other. How much mystery could there possibly be?
Both: (freeze in thought)
Gabe: Which one kills the other?
Tyler: So instead of a “whodunnit” it’s a “who’s gonna do it”?
Gabe: I suppose…
Tyler: What kind of play is-
Gabe: (cuts him off) Op. We already covered that.
Tyler: Then what are we going to do?
Gabe: We covered that as well.
Both: (Tyler stands up, and both remove their hats and cross themselves.)
Tyler: So the mystery is who is the man in a hat and who is the other man in a hat. Whoa… that was deep.
Gabe: Wait, say that again!
Tyler: That again (pantomimes drum set) Ba-dump boomp tcssh!
Gabe: But you don’t understand. That’s the key. One of us is the man in the hat, and the remaining one of us is the other man in a hat! If we switch hats, the contingency is lost, and neither of us can kill the other!!!
Tyler: Whoa… correction- that was deep. Let’s do this.
Both: (Reach to exchange hats)
Gabe: Wait!
Tyler: What?!
Gabe: What if the contingency relies on us switching hats, and we’re wearing the wrong hats right now?
Tyler: Why don’t we just take the hats off?
Gabe: (Look of dawning realization and joy) …just take the hats off…
Tyler: (laughing) We just take off the hats!
Missy: Can I wear yours, Tyler?
Tyler: Sure, here you go. (reaches to remove the hat)
Gabe: (livid) What are you doing?
Tyler: I was gonna let her wear the hat.
Gabe: You can’t do that!
Tyler: Why not?!
Gabe: Because she could be the man in the hat!
Tyler: What? She can’t be the man in the hat! Giving a girl the hat is the safest course of action.
Gabe: No it isn’t!! Once the hat leaves our possession, we have no control over their influence. Eventually the contingency would be met, and the plot will be resolved. Releasing the hats would be indirectly causing the death of an innocent!
Tyler: If we don’t give it away, one of us will directly cause the death of the other!
Gabe: But as long as we possess the hats, we know our fate. To expose innocence to such an evil destiny would be the greatest crime!
Tyler: You know what, you are so wrong, you raving lunatic!
Gabe: Well, you’re the one who’s ready to kill someone!
Tyler: Then maybe it’ll be you! (Lunges at Gabe. Gabe strikes him on the neck and breaks it [not really, of course!]. Tyler falls twitching on the ground)
Gabe: (dumbstruck) But I, (points at the audience) You saw what happened! He attacked me! I didn’t even mean to kill him! I just…I didn’t have a choice! I was fated! And I told him, I told him! This was the way it had to be!
Tyler: (Looks up from floor) well, I don’t know-
Gabe: Quiet Butcher, this is my soliloquy. (gives him a nudge with the toe of his boot) Alas poor Butcher! I knew him, Horatio.
Tyler: That line was Butchered…
Gabe: And so was this whole play. Well, are you dead enough yet?
Tyler: Actulally, I could stand (gabe kicks him) yeah I’m dead.
Gabe: Then the contingency is satisfied, and the plot is resolved. What’s left?
Tyler: (gets up) The conclusion, I suppose.
Gabe: How do you think it will end?
Tyler: I have an inkling.
Both: (Gabe hops in circles hooting while Tyler rubs his tummy while reciting the alphabet. Both finish, bow, exeunt.)
 Lokapala · Sat Aug 05, 2006 @ 03:59pm · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
