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I left Blue Lake, like, six days early. And I really hate myself for it.

I needed to, though, for health reasons.

Last night, I had the worst panic attack in months. Or, rather, the ONLY panic attack in months. And it was a really bad one. I scared all the girls in the cabin, and they were crying and freaking out, and this morning they didn't talk and nobody looked at me. I don't think I've ever felt more guilty in my life.

And it was the best year at camp, too. My teachers were wonderful and knew what they were doing, my Unit Director and the councilors were fantastic (one of them was a Snape/Harry fanfic writer, and has fantastic pron!fics <3), my councilor was the sweetest thing since Pixy Sticks, the girls in the cabin were some of the nicest girls I've ever met in my life, and my class thought I was really talented, and I was rather popular. I liked feeling important. I was important.

And then my STUPID ******** BODY had to go and freak out.

I don't blame my body, though. Not really. It was over 100 degrees fahreinheit outside, and I had to walk five miles every day, AND I only got four hours of sleep each night. And I ran out of bottled water. (The water isn't safe to drink at camp. It tastes like eggs and makes my stomach act up like OHSHIT.) It's a small wonder that it didn't freak out earlier.

But I'm still mad that I couldn't stick it out for SIX MORE DAYS.

I'm such a ******** loser.

I had people that I cared about, and they cared about me a great deal, too, and I couldn't even stick it out for them.

I fail at life.