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I've been having them again.
Tho.. are thaughts about happier times with your ex really nightmares?
I mean they keep me up at night and I dont want to have them.
I am more than happy with my new girlfriend.
Yet still I think about her.
It's a kind of self inflicted torture.
I start to drift off to sleep. My beautiful doe on my mind.
I feel at peace.
But then my dream warps.
I'm standing outside the bathroom in a familar house.
She opens the door and walks out.
She smiles when she see's me and walks over and we hug.
Kissing for a while before we realises where we are standing.
It keeps flipping between the happy memories of her.
Is this normal?
I wake myself up and bang my head into my pillow.
I feel distressed. Paniced almost.
I still think about her even though I have moved on.
Perhaps it is like my grace said.
"Your just bored. Looking for things to keep you entertained"
Perhaps I am.
Or as grace puts it. "Sextually frustrated"
-laughs-
Thats grace for ya... She loves to tease me and make me blush.
Perhaps I just miss my doe to much.
I know it affects me alot when I dont see her for a few days.
-sighs softly-
Perhaps I just can't shake the memories.
Perhaps I dont need to.
Maybe I need to embrace the good and stop fighting.
Say "Yeah.. it was a part of my life. I am with tizi now. And I love her"
She's everything and more that I could ever need.
Be happy with your life.
-smiles a little-
I really do love my new gf...
She really loves me. Just as much as I love her.
My past is my past.
Tizi is my present.
But why can't my mind let me move foward?