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this is one of those how i feel things so deal with it...*_~

okay i have been depressionless for over 2 months now. i mean i can't imagine goin back to how things were before. oh i should tell you before what..... before an angel fell into my life. the man of my dreams came crashing into my depressed crumbled litte world and made me happy. i need him every second of everyday, but not in a clingie, obsessive way... more like i need him to maintain myself.... "he is everything i need in life," (twisted from the OakRidge Boys) i think it has help me to think of him as changing my life.... i mean before him i had never considered kids or marriage.... he has made me feels things that i had long since forgotten. he has broken down the walls that i used to surround and protect myself. i love him with everything i am...

but only fear is that i will never be with the man that completes me. he is everything to me and yet my mind consistantly throws thoughts of us never being together. i mean distance at this point is an issue and i am very understanding of this. it is just that good things don't happen for me... they have never and i highly doubt that they will! i have never been, how they say, lucky! i don't know why i doubt us being together but i do... yes i have spoken of this to him.

i long to touch him and feel his presents. to walk in a room and be able to touch him. to lean over and kiss his cheek just because i can....