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it's sick. sick sick sick. twisted. and it doesn't leave. it's the curse that accompanies the gifts, the poison in the feast, the bomb in the fireworks. what i say, what i do, it's not fair. and it gets so much worse. i know ahead of time, but too far and i forget until it pops up and i remember too late too late to do anything. all the words i want to say disappear in the icy moments, only to reappear moments after it's over. i want something better for them, but will it ever happen? i miss the one who understood and helped and stopped the tears in my darkness and saved me when i needed it. i want to go back, way back, to those days of injustice and hope and silliness. before i knew the hell i'm lost in, before i knew a person could be in this hell, before i would have dared say the word. back when my perfect innocence won over the hearts of the adults and made my classmates hate me with all they were. back when people hated me for everything i was. back when they hated the angel, not the horrific monster. i'm never going to be that angel again. i'm the monster, evil and angry. sick of being me, sick of living as a monster.
 nepie · Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 02:42am · 0 Comments |
