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sometimes trying to do the right thing is work
when work is uncomfortable
it can feel forced & unnatural
it's easy to feel like an imposter

shouldn't doing good feel good?

maybe you're doing it wrong

or maybe
you're just a soulless piece of s**t
and the hope that you can be a good person
is just a security blanket parachute - threadbare sentimentality
slowing your descent into The Pit

there's a comfort in surrender
you dont have to try anymore
the failure is final
you can rest
taking responsibility for nothing

accountability is exhausting - you're always fixing things
i guess part of learning new skills is ******** up
there's no blueprints
so when you've tried again and again and again and again
and the damn thing still falls apart
the uncertainty is overwhelming

do you change your strategy?
do you put your nose to the grindstone and try harder?
sometimes its easy to hitch yourself to a bad wagon

i want to do better
but i think i'm getting worse

i'm not even sure that there is a way to be healthy
or normal
or functional
how do you acclimate to a house of cards?