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*sings*
I'm on fire, but I don't think I'm ready
To bust a move. Check it out I'm rockin steady
To the beat in my head cause oh-oh-ohhh
I know that she's the only one!

Well ladies and gents, I must say that today was a total fiasco. It started out with my step-dad walking out on my mom...which was a living nightmare. As silly as it might sound, I can't get images from my past out of my head...the abuse...the torment...the vicious attacks...it's like the events of this morning re-activated that sealed part of my memory. *sighs* well regardless...I'm going to try the best I can to stay calm and have a nice Christmas with my mom and brothers.

Bill (my stepdad) came stumbling back home later on and appologised...but I'm personally biased against guys and I'm not convinced he won't go off on a rampage again in the near future...eh, whatever. When it comes to father-figures and most guys in general, I'm always more suspicious and coy than most girls would be. Truth be told, I've just been through to much. People...guys in particular, have broken my trust over and over again. I've gotten to the point where there is only ONE person I trust in my entire school of over 900 students.

Hmmm but then again, there's my adoring GAIA peeps that always seem to be there for me...Max and Tim especially...regardless, I just want to say thank you for all the love and care you've showed me. It's made life livable...

Right-oh...so we're on day two of the illusive Christmas break. I'm guessing things will smooth out sooner or later with my family. I'm still totally bummed about not being able to drive down and visit Ryo...well, just another reason to get my drivers liscence...oh and further more...IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T DRIVE OR I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH...I JUST HAVENT HAD THE TIME OR MONEY TO GO THROUGH DRIVERS ED, PICK UP MY HONDA UP NORTH, AND PAY FOR THE INSURANCE SO STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT! I'LL GET THE LICENSE WHEN I GET THE TIME N' MONEY OKAY? yeesh...crazy.