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STEP 1: Die.
STEP 2: Be awesome in life. If you were awesome enough, I'll ask YOU to be friends. (FYI: Robin Williams is actually great at bowling.)
STEP 3: Ask if we're pals before you add me to Facebook. You'll scare your grandma otherwise. Or...I will when I start posting to her wall. Whatever. I'm social. Just not friendly.
STEP 4: Get to know me before sending requests. Seriously. Who goes around saying "Add me!" to total strangers...and I'm as strange as they come. Come on. I'm THE GRIM. REAPER. Not much to know but at least make the attempt.
While I appreciate the interest, the above steps do not guarantee friendship. In my line of work you can't trust anyone nor can you afford to get too attached. Besides, would you really want to be friends with Death? Forever? Furthermore, it's upsetting to my friends and associates to watch me harvest their friends, family, loved ones, children, and especially their pets. Think of the kittens, folks. Do you really want to watch me kill kittens? YOUR kittens? And I'm a cat person, but I do it because it's part of my job.
Also, the above steps mean nothing. I don't add friends. I just make lists of future collections. Now get in the elevator. You're late for your appointment and The Boss doesn't like waiting.
 Grumpy Death · Mon Jan 18, 2016 @ 10:40pm · 0 Comments |
