Written by hand during a night after the news from her was told :
I mourn the loss of something I never had. Let me speak and cry in this journal, for nobody is there for me. I miss that which I'll never get, I miss it. I wish I have a time machine, to mend that which is broken, that which obsesses my mind and my every thought.
--To be loved like I love her.
Give back to me something.
I miss you. I miss you a lot. I miss being yours. I miss the times you were territorial over me. I miss waking you up, I miss staying up until 6 am for you. I miss being your love. I miss your craziness over me. I hate all of this.
I miss hanging out with you and having that feeling I had whenever we spoke. I miss hearing you say that you love me. I miss talking about tomorrow, about our dreams in life and our dreams at night.
I miss being shy with you on calls and seeing you blush when I would say "I love you." I miss smiling when you would say you love me as we both had to leave.
I miss our PM's. I miss the times you would comfort me. I miss telling you how I love you and knowing that those words had an impact on you. I miss our banter, I miss calling each other dumbass and I miss all our playful insults.I miss being someone with meaning, I miss having purpose. I miss being someone who mattered to someone. I miss feeling my heart skip. I miss waking up with a desire to see you, a desire to talk, to dream and a desire to live. I miss being spoken to. I miss it all.
Because, although I probably didn't understand you, all those things made me love you and still do so today. Those things were everything to me. You were everything. You were my life and my love, my angel and my dumbass.
I hate your latest journal entry and the way you compare your current lover to who I am, with my time zone and all the things I did wrong. It's like "last time" but better, right?
I get it, I'm a loser. Another rejection, another waste of space.
I am a loser...
I don't want to be anything any more. It's so hard and so painful. Why? Why me?
Lonely, stupid, loser idiot.
Nothing suits me anymore and my life will suck, it will be empty and fake without you.
Suicide, suicide, suicide.
********.
No, no, no. Can't think like that, I know. Moments of sadness lead to moments of stupidity. ******** everything. ******** the blue sky.
I hate myself.
I deserve this, right, to lose?
I deserve to have no one. I'm not fit to be with anyone. I'm no good.
I'm broken, but I was broken to start.
Life is full of nothing and my love goes nowhere, it's just suffocates everything I touch.
I love you, I hate myself.
I wish I wasn't so much like me.
I mourn the loss of something I never had. Let me speak and cry in this journal, for nobody is there for me. I miss that which I'll never get, I miss it. I wish I have a time machine, to mend that which is broken, that which obsesses my mind and my every thought.
--To be loved like I love her.
Give back to me something.
I miss you. I miss you a lot. I miss being yours. I miss the times you were territorial over me. I miss waking you up, I miss staying up until 6 am for you. I miss being your love. I miss your craziness over me. I hate all of this.
I miss hanging out with you and having that feeling I had whenever we spoke. I miss hearing you say that you love me. I miss talking about tomorrow, about our dreams in life and our dreams at night.
I miss being shy with you on calls and seeing you blush when I would say "I love you." I miss smiling when you would say you love me as we both had to leave.
I miss our PM's. I miss the times you would comfort me. I miss telling you how I love you and knowing that those words had an impact on you. I miss our banter, I miss calling each other dumbass and I miss all our playful insults.I miss being someone with meaning, I miss having purpose. I miss being someone who mattered to someone. I miss feeling my heart skip. I miss waking up with a desire to see you, a desire to talk, to dream and a desire to live. I miss being spoken to. I miss it all.
Because, although I probably didn't understand you, all those things made me love you and still do so today. Those things were everything to me. You were everything. You were my life and my love, my angel and my dumbass.
I hate your latest journal entry and the way you compare your current lover to who I am, with my time zone and all the things I did wrong. It's like "last time" but better, right?
I get it, I'm a loser. Another rejection, another waste of space.
I am a loser...
I don't want to be anything any more. It's so hard and so painful. Why? Why me?
Lonely, stupid, loser idiot.
Nothing suits me anymore and my life will suck, it will be empty and fake without you.
Suicide, suicide, suicide.
********.
No, no, no. Can't think like that, I know. Moments of sadness lead to moments of stupidity. ******** everything. ******** the blue sky.
I hate myself.
I deserve this, right, to lose?
I deserve to have no one. I'm not fit to be with anyone. I'm no good.
I'm broken, but I was broken to start.
Life is full of nothing and my love goes nowhere, it's just suffocates everything I touch.
I love you, I hate myself.
I wish I wasn't so much like me.
