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You're here, laying on your back, staring at the blue darkness of night in your bedroom, wishing that a girl who doesn't love you actually considered you. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't, all you know is that the absence of words is always more painful than any word spoken. You think about the year that has passed, and how hard it's been on you. You think about the things you put yourself through for the sake of love. (It may be a love that doesn't exist, that is only one sided, but you try not to think about it.)

You would rather think than not think at all, because without thoughts there is only silence and there is nothing more loud than utter and absolute silence. You fill up with love and hate, love that can't go anywhere because no one is there for you, other than people you don't like. You have hate because you hate how unfair life feels, how the world has treated you and how your life has been. Nothing is fair. You may have to settle and go for someone you don't love.

Someone you can't connect to, someone you can't love, someone you will pretend to love, someone you will slowly find disgusting or uninteresting, simply because the person you do love, doesn't love you.


Blah. Blah.