Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You're staring into the void again, into space, into nothing, waiting for time to go by, for something to happen, something that you can feel because you know that nothing excites you anymore; but nothing changes, you still feel strange, detached, not quite at place. The world around seems more than insane, it seems stupid and full of hidden hate, full of judgmental sheep and fake liars. People tell you to lighten up, to stop being so glum, to just accept the world for what it is. You don't believe it's best, you don't see an answer. You see only questions.

Invisible detachment and shards of emotion surround you, slowly sliding away, silently screaming as the world bleeds innocent blood. There is less and less love in your life because people seek jobs more than they seek you. "No one will get in my way," is what they all tell you. They don't know that you don't want to get in anyone's way, you want to become part of their "way", of their life, a part of their heart.

Surrounded by people who seek business, conformity, standard lives and who have no real desires other than artificial fantasies, you try hard to feel something real again. They don't understand why zoos and schools make you angry. They don't see how society is just one big institution composed of many prisons. You miss reality, you miss love, you miss being connected to people, to the world around you.

Nobody understands you anymore, as people respect celebrities more than you, more than their family. You feel like you're floating in an ocean, a constellation of things that don't make sense. You're not floating, you're drowning in the despair of detachment, in the abyss of isolation, in a selfish society that consumes everything around it. Drifting, floating, melting and fading away, wishing for someone to make you feel okay again, for someone to fill up your heart again, to kiss your soul.

You notice how everyone is busy these days, and your emotions become secondary to them, as they decide to put you off for later. No matter what you say, or what you write or what you do, they remain occupied with the artificial, non-human parts of life. Are you wasting away?

You hate this world and you hate how powerless you are, you hate how nobody understands you and how nobody cares. You hate how sad the TV makes you, you hate how people make you feel like a stranger, like an alien, like a loser. You try to find love, but you can't.

Life is lonely when you can't fit in.