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let me be
so that i can see
the beauty around
and the sweet sound
of angels flight
and the goddess bright light

I wrote this on may 6th but i wasent able to get here till now on the 7th it got even worse with my dog stubbie dieing

i feel so bad right now i just found out that my grandpa d**k died and yet i feel no remosrse or mourning this is the fourth person that i know personaly and is a relitive that has died.

i know that i wasent really close to him, he marryed my grandma about 3-4 years ago and they live in CA while we're in AZ. we would mainly only visit occassionaly on major hollodays and the such. but i feel bad about not getting to know him.

my previous grandma Ella that passed away was very close to me and i cherished my memories with her, is it because i was close to her or is it because she is female

but yet again when my great grandpa Walt died (who was Ella's husband) i again felt no remorse and did little mourning yet we were close as well

my great great grandma Hellen died about 2 years ago and yet i've honered her even though i have only met the women once in my entire life, i honor her by putting her picture next to my grandma Ella and Walt

I'm wondering though, is this just shell shock right now, or is it just because i dont feel as close to him because he is male. am i moraly wrong in thinking this? i wanted to bring this topic up so that i could put my feelings out in public by writeing it my heart feels a bit better.

my question for you all is this. is it wrong to mourn a female more than a male just because you are a female and vice versa? is it because i never really got attached at all to my grandpa

please i would really apresheate if you would put your coments and thoughts on this.