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Sometimes, life just seems to take that huge plummet into oblivion... My life feels like that now. Nothing I can do about it, it's stupid that I even give a ******** s**t about it to begin with.

For so long I was so confident of myself. I had power, I had worth, I was something.

But, it's all a lie. It was always all just a lie. Or maybe something, somewhere was true. But, with all that was a lie, I'd never trust in what could be truth.

I'm back at square one, my friends. I'm once again just me. Just stupid me that's apperently too dilusional to understand that something was completly and utterly fake. All along. All of it. Everything that meant anything to me. It's all be stripped away again.

I think, I might almost feel worse then I did before I finally graduated from high school. I'm back to being unwanted me... not worth anything to anybody.

I'm tired of being lied to, I'm tired of being played for the fool. I'm tired of people that didn't have the decency to pull me out before I got in as deep as I did. I don't know if I hate them. Can you 'hate' someone that's not really... real?

I don't know. I don't care.

I was doing so good for a while... I'd finally started to care about life again. It had been so long since I'd felt like that. But, that feeling was just part of the lie. And so, it is stripped away with the rest of my ilusions.

I'll miss the person I pretented you were. They were so nice to me, they cared. So unlike YOU. You played such a good game, you knew the part perfectly. I can't believe I feel for it like that.

How long after it started did you realize I thought it was real? And how could you have continued to play me like that? You say you really do 'care' about me, that you're my friend. A friend would never do that to their friend.

But then, it was just a game before, perhaps it's still just a game. Perhaps, I would like to end the game. All the games. What point is there? Keep trying to I can just be played again?

We're all playing games. Each and every one of us. We build our character, and then we start to play them. They have jobs, they have friends. But it's not real. How can any of it be real?

Only the pain of knowing that I was even dumber then I'd ever imagined is real to me anymore. My self esteem was rising. Congratulations. I'm below dirt once more.