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I really can't wait until August. Exams are going to be hell, summer's going to be worse, and I am going to be BORED TO TEARS. I'm just giving up on the ridiculous notion that my school friends will be my friends outside of school. Heck, I'm giving up on finding a friend who likes the same stuff as me. It just doesn't happen. It feels more and more like they're just putting up with me than they're actually wanting me as their friend. All they ever talk about is their friends outside school, and I have no clue who they're talking about. It's obnoxious. I mean, if you're going to talk atbout these people you could at least tell me who they are. Included, but alienated. It's a ******** system, to be sure.
Speaing of systems, here's another messed up one. Everyone acts like high school is some game and dating is a game that has no rules and doesn't really count for anything. It drives me nuts! Mess up in a game, you can start over. Mess up in school or with a guy, you're probably screwed. I'm sorry, but this is NOT a game. This is LIFE. Granted, I am the only person who doesn't just live, which I already regret but have no power to change, but there's a difference between living and being stupid. These idiots have crossed into the stpid side. Life isn't one happy-a** party. It's not all fun and games. It's not FUN to mess with other people, to use them and to hurt them to suit yourself. I'm sick of sitting and watching everyone go out and say they're living when they're just being unnecessarily idiotic. And I'm ranting now, so PHOOEY TO YOU.
And damn, why are we bothering? I really don't see where this whole talking thing is going, and personally it's more than a little weird. We're saying all the same s**t, we're lying to each other, and I think we both know it. If YOU haven't figured it out, I'm amazed because you ACTUALLY have a brain. I have an excuse--I'm just an idiot as we both very well know and don't deny it because it's true. I'm going to blunder through my life until I hit a wall or walk over the edge of a cliff which I know I'm dangerously close but oh well if I go over it will be better for us all except maybe me but who cares because I seriously don't. And who decided that this was a good idea? What was your motivation? I mean I am honestly bewildered and so is Amanda becasue she knows about as much about you as I do minus a few minor details but whatever and flattered that's what you said last year and I am disinclined to believe you knowing you for how much you can lie sometimes but I do it too so don't believe everything I say except what I mean and what slips out accidently and that's the only truth in me. Well this is truthful too but only because you might not see it but if you did then I'm screwed and oh well who cares I'm just no good anyway and I'm going to burn in hell so la di da di da. And we're all going to die ide die because eternal life comes after you die but since I don't think I'll be going to the happier place it's gonna suuuuuck but you're going to have fun and I'll still be laughing my a** off at how stupid I am and how stupid I have always been and how naive I was am and always will be so boo-yah. Cause it's bye bye miss american pie drove my chevy to the leevee but the levee was dry. It's all ******** every bit of it and who cares but I know something you don't know actually alot you don't know like for example I am doing something you don't know about and will never know about unless I accidentally tell you which would suck because then you might worry your pretty little head about me and we wouldn't want that now would we? No no and then there's always the problem of you telling so therefore I will be silent before I accidentally let it slip that I cut oops I said it so goody for me but I can stop whenever I like but I don't choose to at this moment so if you thought the catscratch thing was suspicious yea that's what it was and it's tearin up my heart when I'm with you but when we are apart I feel it too and no matter what I do I feel the pain with or without you. Oh. My. Paz. I am being soo truthful and that's a good thing so let me tell you what I think I think you should really question why you're talking to me and whether it's a good idea to keep lying and then tell me the answer and I'll do the same thing but I'll tell you mine I keep talking because I'm just too stupid to not care and I care waaaaaaaay too much and we know how way too much because unfortunately I think I feel like that again and it sucks it sucks it sucks and I'm probably going to keep lying because I don't know who you're telling this to and I really don't trust you that much though I do and I'm being an a** but anyways I trust you simply because I did before and I'm not really getting my head around the fact that I shouldn't so consider yourself lucky...
"Which Backstreet Boy is gay....OK we're ALL gay"
~nepie
 nepie · Wed May 03, 2006 @ 10:56pm · 3 Comments |
