Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

my parents love me very much but i have a little sister, cassidy, and a brother, tyler who play little league. my parents joined the board when i played 3 years ago. i now play fastpitch softball and am on the high school 16-18 all-star team although i am 14.
my parents missed my last game of the season, closing ceremonies, and the championship game last year for our tournament because they had a "very important board meeting". some nights im left alone with my siblings to watch them for hours because they have a meeting.
to try and fix this they bought me an iPod video, sent me to washington, d.c. with my school, and give me extra things. but i also do tons of cleaning. my grades are very hard to keep with the emotional status i have. i feel so unwanted and unloved. my parents always joke that the first was an experiment, 2nd an accident, and the 3rd was perfect. i feel sometimes that they are not joking. i am not a bad kid and i strive for honors classes, but i hang with the kids who cut themselves and get hugs from the guys who love to pull my bra strap. i hang out with them so i can get that part of myself out of my system so when i go home @ 2:33 i am a little angel as my dad calls me who loves her parents.
you know they dont care and i have proof. my mom was supposed to take me to my softball game but i was going to be a little late. then she called and said she couldnt take me because she would be to late. then she called and said she had a headache and that she couldnt come at all.
i am also in band. my mother told me that she didnt like my music and it was my fathers thing with me so he should take me. i had to go to the festival(band competiton) with diminsihed spirits and a 104 fever because i am the only bass clairinet....
i wouldnt say im emo.my heart was severely crushed when i thought i had fallen in love with a boy named chris. all he wanted to do was be friends. after i was rejected i lost self confidence and was very bitchy for a few weeks until my friends finally got me back to normal. we are just friends, e-mail buddies and i only love him as a friend. my heart(the tiny bit left of it) might go out to a boy named kurt. he goes to my school and im hoping he'll ask me out. i dont know what might happen if he doesnt cry