Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

((Love? I'm not sure if it even exists. I thought I was in love once, *shugs shoulders* But, when I decided to break up with the guy, he tried to spread vulgar rumors about us, and soon went out with my desperate best friend. I'm sure this has happened to many people, so it's not that I even care anymore. I just felt a horrible betrayal from both of them. Lame. rolleyes

Then there's good ol' Fuzzy. I don't naturally get along with Libras much/at all, since my father is Libra, but he was nice. He was one of the poor souls that thought they loved me, be he was most notable... because I frikkin knew him. xp He was sooo obvious, and just as he was obvious, soooo not my type. I had already given up on love after the betrayal, so it's not like it even mattered. I played sick valentines day, to make sure I wouldn't be bothered, but what does he do? He send me a damn email asking me out. Then I give him my stupid speech that is never even the whole idea of why I don't date. He actually waited for me for a while... well, before trying to make me jealous and allowing me to give up all trust in the guy. After having a dicussion, and even asking him if he would turn on me... yup. He ups and turns on me, when I was actually giving him some consideration. The idea of him trying to make me jealous was what burned me up inside, and allowed me to somewhat hate him for it. When you tell me you won't turn on me, then shouldn't you keep to your word? He kept making out with random "women" (one was the mule of a guy), hoping to get some type of rise out of me, and oooh, boy did he succeed!!! Not in making me jealous, but in making me absolutely furious! I had felt betrayal once again, and he just goes on saying it was a plot to get me to admit feelings... feelings that had not even existed! He's apparently married to the girl he first tried to make me jelous with. Stupid Libras: Always making declarations of love too quickly.

Then there's that kid in my geometry class, that kid in my spanish class, a coworker, and those tourists from last year that thought they had a chance(I was still with the first guy). I usually don't count the ones that I don't know, so let's just say it was Cheese-it and Fuzzy. I like to give nicknames, as you can see.

But it's not just the betrayal that gets me, it's the lust involved. It seems that love only comes with lust, and I'm not one to deal with that. When I was with the first guy, he kept asking me about making out and other stuff I didn't want to do. Glad I was determined to keep my virginity. He always tried to make me feel bad for something I did, and made it seem like I had to do whatever to make a successful apology. The memories of those moments make me want to bite my own arm off. I remember those times I prefered video games, and all he wanted to do was make out. Blah... gross. I'm like a kid with those things. Like I want some dude's tounge in my mouth? Eew. I don't know where that's been! Kinda scary too...
And there's Fuzzy's random making out with random girls. What's the deal with that? Is that all he's out for? It seems all guys are out for is a good ********... stare

Outside the lust, it seems that there is no difference between bf and gf, and two good friends. Feel free to try and prove me wrong, but chances are, it won't matter much at all.
I also have a huge need for freedom and independance. If you can't respect the idea that I want to handel my problems on my own, don't try and dig deeper, because I will eiher hate you for it, or become emotionally broken. Perhaps even both. I don't want outsiders tainting the water behind the wall. Not anymore, at least. sweatdrop

It doesn't seem that love has a purpose in my life. Perhaps others can say that they are in love, but most of the time it never even lasts. It's just a minor infatuation, agreeing with the mating needs of the human race. You can try to prove my thoughts wrong, if you want, but I probably won't agree with you. ninja ))