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Struggling with another bout of depression..finding it hard to even talk to people. I don't know if any of you who have suffered with depression suffer the same way I do, but if so, I am truly sorry. Its a voice in my head, demeaning and demoralizing me 24/7. Everyday I try to come to terms with my perpetual solitude..sometimes i think I've finally learned my lesson and will accept my lonliness, but then I make the same stupid mistake as before, I trust, I open myself, and once again, my heart is torn to pieces...I wonder If I will ever truly accept the fact I am meant to be alone, and I wonder when I will finally give up and end my struggling..but I guess I will never know. Even though every fiber of my soul says to give up, lay down and stop, I cant. I can't give up, no matter how painful, so my life will be filled with emptiness and solitude..I guess this is the Life of a champion huh? I won Nationals for powerlifting, Im ranked #1 in the world for my age and weight, and even with that I cant be happy. I would give up every shread of athletic ability and achievment to just feel for a day what it feels like to have someone truly love me..to bad thats not how life works. Had to vent, and seeing as I have no one to talk to in person, why not just put it on the internet where no one will care or read it. I just want it to end..I want everything to end...
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