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So a little over a month ago, I met up with a guy that I had been talking with on Okcupid at Ohayocon. He was pretty cool (and nerdy, in a good way). We had a great time hanging out, went to a pokemon panel, played some DDR. Actually, he has a profile right here on Gaia too. :3 (Oh snap, what if he reads my journal???)

A few weeks later we hung out again. We went to see Star Wars in 3D, ate lunch and dinner, went shopping. Although the day was planned as a hang out, it sort of turned into a date. We watched more movies together. We kissed. It was... kind of magical in a way. I never had a date like that before. I'm not sure if that was good chemistry at work or what.

So now we've been dating for almost a month now.

I'm happy with him. The only thing I am not happy about is that I am noticing more and more the amount of damage left on my psyche from my ex. I am afraid the same thing is going to happen with this one. He is a completely different person, but perhaps it is my constant fear and self-consciousness that will lead to my downfall.

I am staying at his place for my spring break because I cant stay in the dorms, and other than that, I am technically homeless. I cried myself to sleep last night, worrying if I will ever be happy and be able to fully trust another person again. At the same time, I worry that I will never find "home" again. I hate having to rely on other people like this. I hate feeling like a burden. I hate letting my guard down only to be betrayed and abandoned.

I'm so afraid.