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(21:55:25) lunatickalm: im tired of being around here all the time and having to depend on other people everythime i want to go out
(21:55:33) Jessy: I know that feeling.
(21:55:52) Jessy: at least for awhile didn't have to
(21:58:07) lunatickalm: but i was still depending on you to do so
(21:58:21) Jessy: Not really, it was a we were in it together thing
(21:58:30) Jessy: didn't matter, i depended on you for strength at times.
(21:59:07) lunatickalm: i know you did
(21:59:45) Jessy: I know you didn't like it though... and i'm soryr
(22:00:15) Jessy: but i read i think what Necro posted in the LOA thread on the cult.. and i wonder if perhaps she had a point there.. it's better to have someone who needs you even a bit then not at all
22:00
(22:00:50) lunatickalm: jess dont start this...dont you think aly needs you too?
(22:01:02) Jessy: I know she does.
(22:01:11) Jessy: I'm just stating something is all
(22:01:23) Jessy: Just like I need her as well.
(22:03:19) lunatickalm: i know i know...just remeber that for strength
(22:03:39) Jessy: I do, and even though you are so far away, i still have you as part of my strength.. just like i have her.
(22:03:46) Jessy: Both of you are my heart and soul
(22:04:05) lunatickalm: and i love that
(22:04:13) Jessy: I hope so
(22:05:16) Jessy: I just miss you so much
22:05
(22:05:27) lunatickalm: i miss you too babe....more than youll ever know
(22:06:09) Jessy: ~_~
(22:06:36) Jessy: Remember when i asked if you were still in love with me, and you said you didn't know.. have you figured it out yet?
(22:07:25) lunatickalm: i know i still love you, and i miss you horribly...but i also know i need my space right now...i cant answer that because i dont know
(22:07:39) Jessy: I understand..
(22:08:57) lunatickalm: i hope so because i feel sometimes that everything i say is a pain to you
(22:09:14) Jessy: No... not everything
(22:10:15) lunatickalm: im sorry. i know youre in a lot of pain and i know it s my fault
22:10
(22:10:26) Jessy: it's not just your fault.. i do it to myself
(22:10:54) lunatickalm: but i still feel responsible
(22:10:56) Jessy: well did it to myself i should say
(22:12:26) Jessy: it namely hurts so much cause it's been so short a time.. i'm still trying to adjust again.. this is the second time in life i've been hurt like this.. so i'm not used to it
(22:12:46) lunatickalm: see what i mean?
(22:12:55) Jessy: what?
(22:13:44) lunatickalm: im responsible for hurting you as bad as someone else, and i didnt want thast
(22:14:20) Jessy: what did you think would happen? that i wouldn't care and wouldn't feel any pain what so ever?
(22:14:41) lunatickalm: no but i didnt want to be responsible for it
(22:14:55) Jessy: I didn't want you to either.. and i never thought you would have been.
(22:15:10) Jessy: If i thought that this would be what happend.. I never would have put myself out there like that.
22:15
(22:15:36) Jessy: it's the reason i've avoided falling in love period.. and the reason i didn't want Aly to get attached to anyone.
(22:16:09) lunatickalm: bringing her into this is seriously gonna make me cry
(22:16:33) Jessy: Don't.. i'm just speaking the truth of what i feel so you could understand.
(22:16:56) lunatickalm: but i miss you guys terribly....and this hurts so much
(22:17:12) Jessy: I know, it hurts me as well.. What am I supposed to say to her when she asks "Where's Josh?"
(22:18:03) Jessy: Dammit.. ~_~
(22:18:19) lunatickalm: tell her im in her heart where ive been since i met her
(22:18:52) Jessy: She's to young to understand that
(22:19:11) Jessy: That's always been the problem, and part of why i'm feeling so ******** guilty as well.
(22:19:16) Jessy: Everyone she's gotten close to... has left
(22:19:29) lunatickalm: i havent left, im right here
(22:19:55) Jessy: ... that's not what i meant..
22:20
(22:20:34) Jessy: her grandparents have left.. Uncle Todd left.. Mama left.. everyone.. She loves you and looks up to you. And thats one reason why i fell even more in love with you after thta.
(22:21:43) lunatickalm: whered todd go?
(22:22:22) Jessy: He moved across town, but apparently doesn't go see her anymore.. he used to live upstairs
(22:23:24) Jessy: I just... I don't know
(22:23:43) Jessy: It hurts because it's not just my feelings in this.. It's not just yours.. but it's hers as well.. and i keep thikning bout that every day.
22:25
(22:29:07) Jessy: I'm sorry
22:30
 JesslynRose · Sun Apr 02, 2006 @ 04:56am · 0 Comments |
