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poems..and if u wana scroll down, there's me thoughts....

i wait day by day,
night across the dawn,
i wait.
Just for everything to be perfect,
all around me outside and within.
i have the soul to accomplish many,
but a mind so young and inexperienced.
I wish so much,
and so my dreams get crushed.
i want a guardian angel,
the one that i was suppost to have,
since i was born.
what has happened?
where did mine go?
is that why i am mixed up?
damn this life,
if only...
if only that day would come..
***************
[ a song? hah ....h ah.... iono pssh..lol]
confusion confusion,
i don't know what to do.
how can this be?
all my thoughts mixed in a swirl,
of a never ending mix,
tell me what to do,
all of you out there.

confused, blind, all of the above,
i wish i knew what to do,
to make my life seem better.
why is does this have to be?
why do i have these feelings about stuff?
i wish it would all go away, just go away...

more confusion, confusion confusion,
i can't control it,
all the pain and thoughts inside,
this cold abyss,
a hole i can't get out of.
i call out to anyone,
can you help me out?

confused, blind, all of the above,
i wish i knew what to do,
to make my life seem better.
why is does this have to be?
why do i have these feelings about stuff?
i wish it would all go away, just go away...

someone, give me a light,
this light i have heard and felt of..
long ago.
where are you?
I thought i found you....
what happened?
SOMONE TELL ME!

confused, blind, all of the above,
i wish i knew what to do,
to make my life seem better.
why is does this have to be?
why do i have these feelings about stuff?
i wish it would all go away, just go away...

i remain here.....
in the confusion....confusion.
no way to get out...
no where to feel the light..
so i tell you all,
if you find yourself partially in darkness,
around all the confusion..
don't come here...
and make your life worth what it is.
**********************8
nighttime,
the time for sweet dreams,
and nice times.
it felt as i was drifting away,
grasping on to my last breaths.
i saw nobody's face,
and had a wisp of sadness come.
fighting for my life....
how's that for a night's dream?
i only saw what i wish to finish,
only wishes and dreams i never had...
so with little piece of light left..
i used it to get back what i had,
the darkness that i kept hidden inside.
**************************
oh my gosh...it's my sad moments...heh.
time to myself, only myself. my problems are suppost to be kept secret, even though i wish to tell the world.

~expectancy....people are suppost to be this and that...we're suppost to think we're secure in "america"..or be educated and worry instead of enjoy most of this country's riches.

a person is prejudice to another, till they meet that person. someone hates a gay person, but yet, says that they're somewhat tolerant of them.

or same with a music lover....vise versa between rap and rock.

~life itself
one is not suppost to waste it by chatting and enjoying our teen years. you must learn for the future of the family..or better for your own future.
industrial revolution changed every country, making it more vulnerable or hostile~less peaceful life. not much family values, only the 'bread maker' is valued towards their family.

school is meant for facts and grades. you learn by the book, by partially educated teachers to what they've experienced by traditional learning is "valuable" to your future education.

many on streets, why not be put into factory work [since it's after industrial revolution]?

~love
one has to be over ruled by the other. one is a "pimP' if they 'play' more than one person, or other is "hoe" for playing the other.

worry of not being yourself. blind dates. your'e suppost to act a certain way around others.

~nature. "recycling system"

======
i hate thinking. some of these things can be argued, i can even argue my own thoughts to....but this is kinda of what i observe. industrial revolution...sure, it helped lots of cultures not define women as at the bottom of their "chain" ~history repeats itself, only by those not aware of history itself~ my own quote i had to make up [unless it's copyrighted already by some dead dude =,=]

respect elderly and life and nature and blah. tell that to my electric/ gas bill. along with all the water i just love to turn into soda. trees are great for paper! :O let's cut them down then! O:

"treat others the way u would treat yourself" ..so...you would give an old sandwich to yourself like some poor person?

T-T there's more blah blah blah.....i rant on......i think a lot....and yet i am a hypocrite myself. @.@ following as others do. is that sad? "first help yourself, then others" ...meh.. i heard many lines. there should be a book or something made for that or whatever.

=.= i don't wana go to school....i wish to blah....iono. meh. i need to catch up wif school. good ting i did my english hw..and i'll copy geometry from Logan or something.

*************************

i see myself as a guardian angel,
wishing for happiness,
but only attempting to give it away.
i am among others,
yet they do not see me.
did i choose to be this way?
giving this happiness that i don't have,
and sharing it among others.
how can something not there,
become something for others?
i wish i had an answer,
but i can't do anything about it.
i am a guardian angel,
only there to protect,
and brought to give happiness,
not to take it away for myself.
***************

this is the only explanation i have. i try to make myself happy, but i guess i'm mixed up. you can look at my room and tell me i'm mental if you wish. probaly true. one's room defines that person. blah blah blah....i wish i had help, but all i can do is rant on and complain... and think about only myself. i have a heart, but i can't seem to use it right. people i have problems, i wana comfort them and make 'em feel better. it's not my time to rant on about their problems, it's their turn...never mine. but, since i'm used to hearing this unbelievable amount of sob/dramas... mine seem less and less "juicy"/important..la la la.
i live in a sense of sadness. i won't trust anyone with the secrets i have so easily. i'm a confused teenager...waiting for the time where this will all seem silly ~which i think is kinda not..
i have looked at my life outside of the box, as if i were my mom or my friend. i'm a lost person who's thinking of themself.

my mom's mind: i have to take care of my kids, uly's a big baby, julius [lil bro] is too hyper, i have many jobs, i swear, uly is not helping me, even though i ask for his little help. the electric bill is too high, from $30 to $50. my family is kind of annoying me. [me aunt] rose wants to live here, and let me drive her to ador [me other uncle]'s house because she's annoyed with working with him at the job.[uncle ador married to someone else, aunt nette, so, diff family]

julius: my brother is always in his room. mom sends me there to knock on it to help with my homework if we need it. he's usually on the laptop. the music is good. i want to play gaia on the computer. i want dad to come home. i like to play with my friends blah, blah, and blah. angela and kuya jan jan are my cousins. it's fun to play the gamecube with them

bla hblah...iono....haha, that's part of their minds, i try not to focus on me. lol. so, i kinda hop into other people's minds when i know stuff bout them. alan...haha..his life seems nice. @.@ hmmm....perfect lives: alan, ate[h] cesel, sherie, blah, blah, and blah! many perfect lives i wish to remember...oh, davin to. lol

i compare a lot, yet, blah blha blha! loll. well, enough sadness, i have to go sleep instead of ponder...haha. night! <3 [to anyone out there]

~my hobbies....i don't have much....i wish to fulfill them...hah! drawing~singing~running~cooking [LOL]..
i feel stuff olding me back, like gaia and gunbound...lol
oh well, more thoughts tomorrow? bye. lol.