Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I have almost no self-esteem ((yah- its that low)).
I have absolutly no self-confedience.
I am rarely TRUELY happy, but when I'm having a good day I'm as cheerful as a rainbow :3
I try to seem happy around most people so my depression doesnt rub off on them.
I have severe depression.
I have anxiety.
I have suicidle thoughts racing through my head.
I believe that I can't do anything right, and I am just a burden on everyone.
I told my therapist why I wanna die and she started crying ((Do they usually do that??? O.o))
I cut myself- ((very rarely though now))
At one point I cut my arm over 80 times on my one arm, one night.
I am a very lonely person...
My 7yr old cousin and 9yr old sister remind me why i'm still alive. <3
I want to be a photographer.
I talk to my self alot ((long story why i do it))
I'm 12.
I am usually really good with advice and many people ask me for advice.
music saves my soul.
im agnostic- yet i still pray to god when i have no one else.... so i guess im a lil christian then?
im a disgrace to my family.
i love getting random messages from friends- it makes me feel a bit better.
I love children- and i want some when im older.
i love poetry, my favortie poet is Edgar Allan Poe
I watch my 7yr old cousin on the weekdays and i love him with all my heart.
i have a dad and a step mother- they made my half-sister: stella.
I have a mom and a soon-to-be-step-daddy: jeff- he and his past wife made my little step-sister: Gabby <3
My step mother: Shannon- Has said only about 30 words to me in my whole life. And iv had her in my life scince i was 7. She makes me feel unloved-and un cared for. my sister Stella beats the shyt owtta me and i cant do anything about it because ill get in trouble- shannon doesnt do anything about it- and my dad is sleepin ((he works alot))
i love my step daddy- he treats me like his daughter.
I cant stand mean people.
I love nice people.
I live in Michigan.
Im in a love triangle and i hate it...
Love is confusing, painful, wonderful, irritating, beautiful, and dreadful all at once.
I seclude my-self in the dark alot.
I like being alone- but i hate being lonley.
I'm suprised if you bothered to read all of this.

I didnt write this because i wanted pitty- ((i hate pitty)) i wrote it to get all of this chizz off my chest.

<3 you guys....