(Gotta read 5 Things to really understand. :3)
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'When you're a teenager and you're in love, it's obvious to everyone but you and the person you're in love with.'
Redux – Cor – Sixth Year
Henri doesn’t understand at all.
(At first.)
She’s on the brink of becoming at ‘that age’, where the fine line between boy and girl is defined with a big bright 'you are here, do not cross without heeding the consequences'. (Sexuality, she's been told.) She suddenly discovers that there are limitations to what she is and isn’t able to do with Cor and Ellie. Things that were socially acceptable when she was younger, because she didn’t know any better. Henri certainly was older now, but she really didn’t get it. Now that she’s on her way to becoming 17, Henri has to actually think before tackling a friend into the ground, make sure they’re a girl and not…well, a boy. She has to think about where her hands are when she's talking to someone, how close their proximity is, right down to the words that are coming out of her mouth.
Suddenly, asking Cor if he ‘fancies a nap with her back at her dorm’ suggests something entirely different from actually taking a nap. Asking Ellie the same thing, apparently, is alright because they’re ‘female’ and it’s supposed to be more innocent and cute when two girls do it rather when it's the same situation with a boy and girl. Suddenly, there are things she can only do with Ellie that'd be really awkward and...different if she did them with Cor. It’s very confusing, every stupid bit of it, and Henri wishes she could ignore all of it. She wishes for those easier, simpler times when she didn’t have to worry about crushes or loves or any of the sort.
Lately though, ‘wishing’ just isn’t cutting it out. Henri can’t help but look around her and just…notice her guy friends. She’s starting to see how nicely Quinn’s grown into his rather lanky height. Girls of all years giggle and blush when Gerard walks by, and Henri, to her horror (the guy is like her second brother, for Merlin’s sake!), can see the appeal in his broad shoulders and serious expression. Even Luke, who Henri’s known since first-year, is starting to look pretty darn hot.
It was complete madness, all of it. None of those observations compared to how…weird she felt with Cor sometimes. If Henri had a sickle for every time she had to second-guess her own actions with him, she’d be very rich. It’s like back in their second year when they first started to become friends. Only the fluttering has spread from her tummy to the rest of her body, and it won’t stop until she just looks at Cor and smile at him until her cheeks ache. When he smiles back, or even laughs…the fluttering comes back tenfold and she’s back to square one.
It takes her awhile, both from looking back on her friendship with Cor and talking with Ellie (and Leidy), to finally realize this…fluttery feeling may be something more. It takes her even longer to notice that the fluttery sensation she feels with Cor doesn’t feel all that uncomfortable. If anything, it feels very nice and warm.
She has to remind herself, every time Cor smiles and flirts with Gerard, not to get too comfortable with the warm fuzzy feeling. It hurts a little more every time she sees Gerard answer with a small smile of his own, but it won’t ever stop Henri from smiling at Cor. The warm feeling...it has a name that Henri can't say. She'll lace her smile with it, hope that Cor sees it more than just 'happy', but won't ever say it herself.
