He's doing it again. Teddy is trying to get me to marry him. I can't understand why. I look at his "love list" and males are before me in his preference. I just can't love someone who would run off with a guy at the first chance.
Not that I do love him, no. I just sort of feel sorry for him. But it is really hard to ignore all of the sweet talking he's doing. I just can't help but be nice to him. I don't really have a reason to start a fight. I don't want to show him how I can be again. I don't want to risk Kaz showing up. I am sure that is what Teddy is trying to provoke. I feel really shameful and childish of what I did then. I was so ashamed to show my face the next few days...
But I don't want to dwell on the past.
Now for what I came here to write.
When I had sneaked into his room one evening a while ago to read his journal and found out that I was the monster....blah blah blah....he found out and later suggested that the next time I was there that I should hop into the shower with him or join him in bed... redface ...anyways, this time I went back when I knew he would be gone for a long time. I've noticed a prolonged absence from his dwellings but I do not know the reason, nor do I care because he is not bothering those hours with me. I read his journal again, reread the entry about his new plan and the new one from his school. I have a hard time thinking that he looks at the Vindictious boys and Kaz like a girl who is boy crazy. This furthers my reasons to refuse to marry him. I noticed a strange phenomenon while I was reading this. I was jealous of those boys. I can't understand why. I don't like Teddy. I DON'T! I found myself becoming really upset about this entry as the realization sunk in. Why can't I let go?
