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Alright... The last two nights... I've felt terrible. I don't know if it was just my time of the month, or the fact that I wasn't feeling well, but I don't know... My girlfriend, I love her and all, has met a new friend and they talk a lot and. I don't know, I got jealous at one point. I knew her for two years and I got her number when I had known her for a year. This girl got it... in a week or two or three? Something like that. And... I got jealous, I guess. I don't know why, but... The fact that this new girl could easily let her stay at her place, the fact that she could be so forward and ask for her number, and the fact that she was able to grab her attention... that makes me jealous.

I know that I should tell her about these things on my mind, but I don't want my girlfriend to see the jealous side of me. I've been in self-defense class. I don't want to end up like an abusive person by saying who she can't hang out with because I'm jealous. I want her to hang out with her, and if I made her not be friends, I'd be a d**k and I don't want her to think of me like that.

So why am I writing this instead of telling her?

Because I can't deal with what she'll think of me after I tell her this. Will she say she's sorry? Will she not like me that much anymore? I don't know and that's what scares me. Me thinking about my jealousy issues made me feel... sick for the past day. Yesterday, I was all light headed whenever I thought about my jealousy, and I also couldn't eat. At all yesterday.

-sigh- And I also need to stop falling asleep while talking to people... I just... It's rude of me, I know it... And I hate it. I hate it when people say that it's okay. I just hate it...