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Well, piece by piece things are starting to get back on track. With the bad comes the good in seemingly equal measure.

On one hand I have my Learner's Permit now. I can take my Driver's test at any time I feel I am ready. That is something. On the other I am having a serious bit of trouble finding employment. Not overly surprising.

On one hand, I am being threatened by my Dad that I have until the end of the month to find a job before he kicks me out of the house. On the other, I have something lined up that I will vent about here shortly.

On one hand, the girl I was so ecstatic about in my last update saw fit to cut our relationship off. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. I saw what was going on, and it was her decision to make. She knows what she meant to me and what I would have been willing to do for her. But it wasn't enough. I regret that we couldn'thae spoken one last time, but I gave her three oppurtunites to speak with me, practically begging for her before I accepted the reality. She doesn't want me any more.

Still, on the other I have opened my eys to another who has been waiting for me to snap out of my ignorance and realize what she has been doing for me. For years, she has been there on the sidelines watching and supporting me and I never truly saw her for what she was. Even now, even though we are together, I regret not being there for her when she needed me. That ends now though. I am officially getting my life back on the track it should be, and I am in a position to acknowledge her for who she is. My Love. You all may know her by her screenname Rocker_Death_Fairy. It is for her that I am pushing myself. TO give her the life she deserves.

In order to do this, I have made one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. Me and a close friend have decided to join the U.S. Navy Reserves, and I am debating whether or not to fully enlist. It depends on information I get tomorrow for a follow up at the recruiting office. In order to truly appreciate the severity of this situation, those of you who may not know need to learn. I am English, to the core. I was born in Luton, England on the Fiftteenth of June, in the year 1992. In my heart, I know I am English and no matter how much time I may spend abroad, that is never going to change. Despite this, as a dedication of my seriousness and willingness to do what is necessary, I am willing to sign up or the Military of a foreign country, despite my patriotism to my home. This is for you, My Angel


So while I may still have regrets. While I may be worried abou what will come tomorrow, and while I may be terrified of the thought of facing the rest of my life, I can do it with a straight back and English Pride intact, knowing that there is one who loves me that stands behind me. For her, I will prevail.

Stay Frosty
- Nikolai