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Well technically it's July 28 but whatever. I don't really care.

I'm breaking. This post is a post of desperation. I can't do this anymore. I'm pushed to my limits and its just building up and the that matters most to me, that I thought would notice my hurt, my pain, he didn't see it. Tonight, it should have been obvious. I was not myself, was not the energetic person I always am with him. He should have noticed but he didn't and if he did than he's acting like he didn't...I can't take this anymore. I just can't do it anymore. It's getting harder and harder to lock it all away. Each time it finds a crack and fits it's way through it until I have to push it back again. I just can't do this anymore. It's just too much.


This will result in one of three things. It will drive me insane. I will break so badly I might have trouble bringing myself back. Or it kills me. Those are the three things and none of them are even semi appealing to me. There was only one other time that I felt like this and when I broke, it terrified me. I was backed in a corner on the bed and refused to allow my best friend or my sister to touch me. I swore never to be like that again and now I fear it's the least of the three evils. I can feel it coming to and each time it get stronger and stronger. Each time I have more and more issues locking it away.

-Kitty