|
Problems with Uselessness
I keep hearing and reading and listening to other peoples problems in their lives. Some are quite simple and others more complicated. Some sibling problems, others friendship and betrayal. It seems I can only listen to other problems instead of helping myself too. I feel obligated to help everyone out with their problems and that just puts pressure on me. The when people are upset I allow them to use me to soften the fall. Sometimes I feel like a punching bag. Yes, I know it sounds weird but it is true. A punching bag is hit and attacked, but it can't fight back. I am just like that. I can't fight back. I try to please too many people and in the end I lose my friends. It is an issue I wish to solve but probably won't. Not many people like me because I dress weird and can't seem to fit in. I manage to find a few friends but they leave me because there are other, popular kids who want them to be in their groups. I seem to be a trampoline letting people bounce to where they want to be. I myself, can't seem to join them. I seem to cry all the time. Last year was a real problem for me. I seemed to have lost all of my friends and I was scared that the same would happen now. Instead I have gained a few great friends, but even then I have, I'm not sure what you would call it. I guess a relapse of depression would do. Today is one of my down days I guess. One of those days that I feel like I have been used as a cusion and then thrown away for being incompetent of the task asked of me. All I can say is it really hurts to be useless and unwanted. I seem to know these feelings all too well.
|
