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seriously, i should stop thinking to myself "hey, i'm okay!"
because once i start thinking that things start going wrong
just little by litte
but they do.

that's not to say that i'm deep in the throes of a horrible emofest at the moment. but i'm not really where i'd like to be.

my mom's been on my case about all sorts of things.. mostly how she doesn't want me to go to art school rolleyes . it's like every time she gets me alone, she finds some new wound to pick at about how i should "keep my options open" that my "other talents are going to waste" etc etc and honestly.. it's not like i haven't thought about these things. I know what I want. and, she's not paying for a penny of it. so she has absolutely no right to bring it up with me. it's not her decision. neutral

she's also been at my throat about job stuff.. and i do need to be doing job stuff. i just hate it. i want money, but i can't think of a single job around here that i wouldn't loathe, except maybe like working at the library or s
omething like that, i dunno. i'm NOT doing the housekeeping thing again. ugh.

i've also been in an art slump of late but i think i'm on the way out of that and whining about it never helps anyway so.. eh. that's okay.

the big thing is that lately i've just felt... lonely. not like a "omg nobody loves me i want to die" lonely, of course. just of a practical sort. it just feels like.. no one's really around, i guess. it's funny, because i just saw ess yesterday. but she feels sort of distant to me. unsure why. everyone feels distant of late, maybe because i haven't really been telling people things.. either due to not having the opportunity or just... not wanting to. kinda feels like i'm surrounded my strangers. it's an odd feeling, but i'm trying not to let myself be troubled with it because it's probably just a temporary wtfteenager thing. i just hope i get over it soon because ... well to me at least, being solitary isn't a nice feeling. i've always been one to rely on those close to me, i guess now i'm not feeling so hot because they don't .. feel.. close.
but this might be a good thing, it's not good to be so dependant, mm?