Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

i read my book last night... its been a little more then a year since i last read it... i realize now why i didnt read it though.. The series is "MARS" and well i can relate to some things in the book... its scary though cause some people who really knew me could figure a lot of things out about me just by reading that book... i want to burn the books now... they brought back to many memories and last night i swear i cried for three hours because of it... and i almost broke my promise again.. last night i just wanted to rip my body into a million peices because i agian remembered why i hated myself so much... i cant understand.... also in the past couple of days i have realized im afriad of men... i dont know why though... i would understand it if it were a couple of years ago but now... i shouldnt be afriad.. im even finding that im afriad of some of my guy friends which i dont want to be... even at times.. well im not afriad of largo *shakes head* i am not.. but i cant understand... i must have blacked sumthing out... why cant i black out that thing though... i wanna blackout that thing please LORD let me black that out or at the least stop it from haunting me every day... cause its making me weak its making me cry its making me hate myself to the point that at times i just want to die..... cry cry


Lucas get here quickly before i do stupid things..