Two things before I begin: If you have no idea what it is you're reading, click here for an explination. And two, the Toy Story 3 review is now on the Pixar page, so don't forget to read that!
Alright, back to Twilight. Understand that I CANNOT STAND Twilight, but it's mostly because of the last book. Otherwise, I only mildly detest it. I may go as far as to say it's alright.
So luckily for all you Twilight fans, these reviews aren't nearly as negetive as my Breaking Dawn one will eventually be. In fact, they're rather positive. Hooray.
Anyway, I've harped long enough. Presenting See It or Skip It,
The Twilight Saga
Twilight (200 cool The second time you watch it it isn't nearly as good, but by golly is it HILARIOUS the first time. Sometimes it was hilarious for the wrong reasons, like watching Edward have a panic attack the first time Bella sits next to him. R. O. F. L. Or like watching Jasper dance around those flames. Oh, that Jasper. It's too bad he always looks in pain, because he's smokin'. Anyway, does anyone else absolutely HATE Bella? What she did to Charlie was UNFORGIVABLE, no matter how many excuses you give her. Edward is all AWW when he's protecting her, and at first it's really sweet, but it really gets on my nerves the more I sit through it. Though that's not really a problem for me yet, so I'll just rant about it during New Moon. I'll just skulk and harp about how he looksed hotter in Harry Potter. Grumble. Anyway, this was my favorite of my books, but I gotta say the movie barely did it justice. (it's weird to hear myself say that) Oh, does anyone wanna watch a funny video? Here's a Twilight Sims 2 Spoof!
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)One of my least favorite of the books. Bah. Edward is SERIOUSLY annoying in this one, lying to Bella and being a total jerk. Why not just say, "Yo, Bella? I can't put you in harm's way, so I gotta leave. I love you, but this is for your safety." No, he's gotta break her heart and make her think he doesn't give a crud. Of course, if he did stay away, Bella would have ended up with the BETTER guy. ENTER SUPER AWESOME WOLF BOY!! I thought he was hot until he cut his hair and took off his shirt. But I digress, he's SO much better, and not annoying like Edward. Well, his angst sequence is annoying, but that's beside the point. Oh, and by the way, Edward deciding to go into the square to prove he's a vampire and get killed? That plan would never work and I'll tell you why: if I saw a dude who sparkled in the sun, I'd say, "Oh look, a guy wearing way too much make-up." Now, do y'all wanna see another hilarious video? Here's a New Moon Sims 2 Spoof!
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)Much much much MUCH better than the other two movies. I want to kill Bella and dance on her grave, but it's still better than the other two. Okay, so it's HILARIOUS, and also really awesome. Oh, and Jasper is STILL smokin'. He's even more smokin' now that he talks. But I CANNOT get past Bella totally messing with Jacob's head and being a total SLUT. Make as many excuses as you want, SHE'S A TOTAL SLUT. She makes me want to curse, which I've been forcing myself to hold back. Anyway... The love scenes between Bella and Edward were annoying and boring, but I actually thought Edward was cute when he proposed. I still hate him, though. Okay, I don't hate him, but his overly-perfectness is way annoying and his obsession with Bella's safety and her soul is, while gallent, even MORE annoying. Anyway, this was actually a good-ish movie, besides the fact that Bella was in it. Oh, and want to see ANOTHER hilarious video? Here's an Eclipse Sims 2 Spoof!
My Final Thoughts
Alright, so these movies aren't awful. The next two, Breaking Dawn Part I and Breaking Dawn Part II, however, will be. Bah.
Oh, and if anybody was wondering whether I'm team Edward or team Jacob, I'm neither, and I'll explain why. I think Bella is a worse fate than death, and I would NEVER in all my years want EITHER guy to have to endure her.
But if I myself had to marry one, on the other hand, I'd choose Jacob. I would have chosen Jasper, but my sister already claimed him. Darn.
Oh yeah, and as a parting note, have you ever noticed that in all of Taylor Lautner's roles, he plays some form of half-human-half-animal, and also has razor sharp teeth? I cite Sharkboy as an example. HE CAN'T CONTROL HIS INSTICTS!!
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I thought the fighting was awesome though.
And the girl who place Rosalie was actually kind of pretty in this movie, unlike the other two movies. But her eyebrows didn't match her hair color :/
And may I say...the ring was UGLY.