The History of Rock
Chapter One: The Birth of Rock
in the beginning god created the heaven and the earth.
and the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
and the spirit of god moved upon the face of the waters.
and god said, "let there be rock" and there was rock.
and god saw the rock, that it was good: and god divided the rock from the disney pop icons and the emo posuers.
And God called the rock "Rock", because God had also just created capital letters and learned how wicked handy they were for making things look important.
And the Rock was very important, for he would one day would inherit the earth, all them meek folk aside.
And then God created English teachers, who critised him for starting so many sentences with conjunctions.
God quickly uncreated English teachers.
They would not rise again until many centuries later, which is where our story takes place. <span id="test31640297">. . .</span><br/><div id="post31640297" style="display:none; margin-right:75px;">
Chapter Two: The Second Coming of Rock
On a quiet Devil's Night, in desolate army hospital, the spirit of Rock was born again. In his second coming, he took upon him a human form, so that he might not blind the mortals with the radiance of his celestial visage. The doctors all agreed that his human form was kinda ugly. Rock was not amused. He would let their insolence pass, merely because he had not quite figured out how to go about smiting people in his new form, which was very small and rather lacking in the vicious claws and gnashing teeth department. These things, he assumed, would be remedied by age. They were not.
It did solve the issue of appearance though, for in time, his mortal form grew more and more handsome with each passing day, and it was not long before he grew to be too sexy for his shirt. This caused quite a bit of trouble with the school board, who had certain regulations about what clothing could be legally removed on school grounds. This was the beginning of a long-standing feud between Rock and the System, which remains even to this day.
While The Man may not have approved of his mantastic shirtlessness, the ladies certainly did. However, despite this initial attraction, Rock would have little luck with opposite gender, due to a poor understanding of appropriate human social behaviour. Rejected by his peers, he retreated back into his Mancave, where he soon discovered true love in the form of a Fender guitar.
To be continued!
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