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So every thing is fine now.
He is going out with Whitney... which doesn't really bother me.
She obviously likes him... she can be what he wants... he'll be happy with her... that is all that matters anymore.
I couldn't meet him today... when I got there he was not around... I waited then called him... then left. He called back 30 min later and was upset that I stood him up... which I didn't.
I'll just pretend not to know what he is... not to know what he does... like a fool. I'll just act like it doens't bother me... no matter what I won't let him see what I feel... that would be weakness. And I can't aford to be weak.

On a differant note... I asked my dad what he thought about me being in ROTC and he said he wouldn't let me anyway... I'm not strong enough or diciplened anough.
I actually thought of all people he would be proud of me... I was wrong... but none of that matters anymore... I won't try out.