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So now that my little sisters gone too, i can take over her bed
& not lay miserably awaiting some sense of sleep alone in my bedroom..
Sleeping with my other sister, a role model of the dissrayed typical characters of today's society.
So i ask her, but first i will ask you;
Think of as much of things you want, wish or desire.
Make a list of 5, no thats not enough? What about top 10 - not enough. Well then lets keep it limitless. Now i give you over 50 billion dollars, does this money buy most of your desires? My sister answered yes.
When i ask myself this, the money would only help side things like materials?
I want my dreams to come true, artistically - publish a book, become a well known young pop surealist artist, etc etc also hate to mention it, but i cant deny it - a sense of true love. Its like finding a needle in the haystack, but if you try nothings impossible. What i told myself when i was small, and still - Maybe all this happens to me is because 'one must taste bitter to true accept the future's sweet'. I feel my heart rip just thinking about my fragile chances of my dreams coming true. But why do i just sulk in the shadows of my words and not making it come to reality? I tell myself its because i have no time. Me and myself always racing with time. But im trying to slow down and make it happen. I just need a little push, to make my enthusiasm turn into a physical outcome, not a mental outcome.
Btw my weird worn out mentality thats nearly destroyed - i dont mind it. I enjoy it, it drives me to everything i can relate to. Its just the little umph in my life, mentally and physically.

Another way for me to express myself, visually, is well dress like a scene kid. Dressing up is something id always wanted to do. But in this society it categories you as an attention whore. So i remain looking a little average, well my version of average. When i graduate, very soon, youd be like whos that girl? The inner me that is exposing herself to the modern rejecting world.